


Under a Pink Neon Light

by wylielx



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Angst, Damaged Even, Damaged Isak, Eating Disorders, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Touching, Slow Build, Stripper Isak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-09-24 14:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9766805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wylielx/pseuds/wylielx
Summary: Shirtless sweaty bodies grinding up against each other, and that’s when Even sees him. An angel under a pink neon light, dancing on a pedestal, moving his hips from side to side, eyes closed, only piece of clothing being a jock strap that fit the shape of his ass perfectly. Ruffled curls adorning his forehead, bouncing around like they’ve got a mind of their own. His body glistening from sweat and Even can see the rise and fall of his chest as the angel faces the ceiling and dances as if in his own world. He’s beautiful. Looks pure and innocent in ways that make men want him more. Even is so gone for a boy whose name he doesn't even know.Or, Even and Isak meet in a strip club.





	1. Angel Under Neon Lights

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally my first fanfic that I've ever posted and I'm pretty damn nervous about it. This idea has been dancing in my head for a while now, and I finally decided to act on it and bring it to life.  
> I may be adding tags and characters along the way because I'm not totally sure how or what to tag and stuff and it's just all over the place tbh.

How he ended up here? In a crowded room filled with ogling, desperate guys copping feels on pretty boys dancing on counter tops half naked. He had no clue. Mikael kept calling his phone, trying to get a hold of him, Even just kept declining his calls. He stormed out of their apartment after Sonja came over, interrogating him about where he’s been lately, whether he’s been taking his meds, if he’s smoking or drinking. It was overwhelming and she had no right. When she was being that difficult, it always reminded him of why he ended things with her. Being with her was safe and familiar, but it was suffocating him. He was drowning when he was with her and he didn’t want to feel that way anymore.  
Not only was it unfair to him, but it was also unfair to Sonja. Cutting ties with her was for the best, or at least he thought so until she blamed his disorder. Said he wasn’t thinking straight, he was being impulsive, that he just needed time. So, the ‘break-up’ was delayed a couple of weeks. Which he then realized was a huge mistake because Sonja somehow thought it was just a break and then they’d go back to how things were. After those couple of weeks, he sat her down and told her his decision was still the same. She yelled and said things she later regretted, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Especially because of times like right now… Sonja checking up on him and monitoring everything he does. 

So here he is, just like all the other guys in this club, mesmerized by all the pretty boys dancing into oblivion. He’s been here a couple of times but never allowed himself to truly enjoy the atmosphere. Beautiful people dancing and smiling and groping, not able to get enough. A relapse and a room filled with the fix. He stands in the back where he’s able to see it all.  
Shirtless sweaty bodies grinding up against each other, and that’s when Even sees him. 

An angel under a neon pink light, moving his hips from side to side, eyes closed, only piece of clothing being a jock strap that fit the shape of his ass perfectly. Ruffled curls adorning his forehead, bouncing around like they’ve got a mind of their own. His body glistening with sweat and Even can see the rise and fall of his chest as the angel faces the ceiling and dances as if in a world of his own. He’s beautiful. Looks pure and innocent in ways that make men want him. His boyish charm alluring men, earning him an entire waist band filled with bills ranging from one to one hundred. Even felt breathless. Angel. The only word that seemed describe this boy. 

Only when a hand reached up to cop his young cock, did the angel finally open his eyes. He was out of his trance and faced with the reality of what was going on right now. 

“Come here baby, I’ve got something you like,” a young, muscular guy started flashing bills in the angel’s face, still copping his cock. 

Before he could do or say anything to the guy, a guard was already there, grabbing the guy by the collar of his shirt and shoving him against the bar.

“Sorry, I don’t think you’re aware of how things work here. You only get to look at the pretty boys, not touch them,” the guard snatched the money the guy was flashing around and handed it to the angel. 

“And since you’ve broken our set of rules, we’ll give this to the pretty little dancer for compensation. Now get the fuck out!” With that, the guard threw the guy into the crowd of people and turned around to face the dumbfounded angel.

“You okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m just… yeah. Thanks, Chris.”  
“No problem, pretty boy. Hey, your shift’s almost over, right? You should head back and I’ll meet you there, yeah? I’ll walk you to the tram.”  
“I don’t think that’s necessary, Chris. I’m more than capable of walking myself to the tram.”

Chris gave the angel his hand to help him step down from the pedestal he was mounted on, dancing just a few moments ago.

“And no one said you couldn’t, pretty boy. But Isak, there are monsters lurking the streets this late at night. Wouldn’t want one of them to eat you, no, we can’t have that.”

Isak rolled his eyes, smiled nonetheless, and shoved Chris’ shoulder,  
“Oh, fuck off! You’re such an idiot.”  
“Well go on then, go change so we can go. I’ll meet you out back, alright?”  
“Alright, fine. But you’re buying me ice cream on the way to the tram, deal?”

Isak asked with a grin while Chris rolled his eyes,  
“Oh my god, yes Isak. Always your damn ice cream at three in the morning, in the middle of November.”

With that Isak turned around and disappeared behind some thick blinding white curtains. Even was left there analyzing the interaction between the angel and the guard. It seemed intimate and he felt a pang of jealousy stride through his body. He hated it because he had no right to feel jealousy, so he tried convincing himself that he wasn’t. He didn’t realize how long he must have been standing there like an idiot, so he decided to get a drink. 

As Even headed towards the bar, men were looking at him with hungry eyes as he walked through the crowd. He ordered a beer and sat at the bar. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting on, maybe for the angel to come back. Maybe he was already gone. He was beginning to grow irritated with himself because even if the angel came back out, what was Even going to say or do. He decided to go home and finally face Mikael and the interrogation that was sure to be waiting for him as soon as he walked through the door. He downed the last of his beer and got up to leave when he bumped into somebody and was just about to apologize, when he saw who he bumped into. The angel, now dressed in a hoodie and a pair of jeans, his hair still ruffled and all over the place. 

“Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Hey, you okay?" the angel's voice laced with concern as Even just stood there, speechless.  
"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just, I'm sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. You're just, um… you're beautiful," Even stammered over his words. He wasn't sure if it was a light blush creeping on the angel's cheeks or if it was just the neon pink lights above them. Even was lost in the angel’s eyes, a field of illuminating green, just as mesmerizing as his dancing. 

Even was just about to tease him, when the other boy’s phone rang,  
“Yeah?”  
"Pretty boy, come on. I’m not buying your fucking ice cream if you keep taking your goddamn time.”  
“Alright, I’m going.”  
He turned to face Even and gave a small goodbye and started to move through the crowd. But, Even couldn’t let him leave, at least not before knowing his name. He needed a name to the face he was surely going to dream of.  
“Hey, wait!” the angel turned around to face Even.  
“I’m pretty sure I’m going to dream of you tonight, and it’d be kind of nice to know the name of the angel that’ll be taking over my dreams.” Even couldn’t find any reason to try and be subtle, especially considering the earlier interaction between his angel and the guard. He was starting to second guess himself until the angel smiled and looked up at him,  
“Subtle much?”

Even flashed his brightest smile,  
“Well, telling you your beautiful wasn’t subtle either, might as well keep the ball rolling.”  
“An angel, huh? I dance on tabletops half naked for money, but somehow I’m considered an angel? I like that ideology.”  
Even was about to retaliate when the other boy’s phone went off again.  
“Oh my God, I’m going Chris, chill out… You’re the one who insists on walking me so it’s not my fault, is it? Ugh, I’m going, I’m going, chill.”

He hung up and caught Even’s gaze,  
“Look, I’ve gotta go. It was nice being your ‘angel’ for the past five minutes though.”  
“Your boyfriend isn’t that patient, is he?”  
“Ex. And yeah, he’s not one for patience,” Even couldn’t help the jolt of excitement that claimed his body at the word ‘ex.’ 

“Isak.”  
“What?” Even wasn’t sure what he had heard due to his dazed state of mind. 

“Isak, the name of said angel that will be ‘taking over your dreams,’” he said with a bright smile, in a mocking tone.  
Before Even could respond, Isak was already walking towards the exit. Even was about to follow him but decided against it because he couldn’t help the feeling of hope in his chest. Even’s heart leapt with joy in his chest. Isak.

He met an angel named Isak under a pink neon light, who would certainly be taking over his dreams tonight.


	2. Far from Innocent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backdrop of Isak and Chris' relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Even mentioned in this chapter, sorry.

They were walking on an abandoned sidewalk, playfully shoving each other while sharing the ice cream cone Chris had promised to buy Isak. After little persuasion, Chris convinced Isak to go back to his place because it was almost four in the morning and Isak’s place was a bit too far for Chris’ liking. Once they arrived at Chris’ apartment, they both took off their hoodies and shoes at the door and made their way towards Chris’ bedroom. Isak crawled into bed and fell asleep almost instantly. Chris stood by the door, watching him. This pretty boy he had grown to love. 

It was strange because they weren’t technically in a relationship anymore. They were just friends who happened to love one another, and sleep in the same bed most nights. What was once lust and desire, was now a platonic kind of love and nothing more. Chris felt the need to protect him from anyone and anything. After contemplating the boy a few moments longer, Chris crawled into bed next to him, putting an arm around the Isak’s’ middle, pulling him in close, curls tickling his nose and watched him dream. 

It had pretty much become routine. Chris always walked Isak to the tram, though six times out of ten, he’d convince Isak to just stay at his place. After their break-up, Isak expected it to stop, but it didn’t. It wasn’t awkward, well it kind of was, at first. Their break up wasn’t the result of an argument or disagreement. It didn’t even have to do with the fact that Chris worked every night watching and getting rid of guys for groping a half-naked Isak in the club they worked at. They just both thought it was best. Their relationship sprung from a spontaneous fling and an overprotective Chris. 

Chris had been working as a bouncer at Club Revenge for a while when he had noticed a new dancer. He had noticed how young and small the boy was. Chris didn’t have a preference, he had messed around with both boys and girls, each had their perks. But when he laid eyes on Isak, he knew he was completely into this boy. Watching the young boy dance was something unexplainable. 

When Isak danced, it was like he was in a room, dancing by himself, no one there. He wasn’t like the rest of the dancers that over exaggerated the roll of their hips or grinded up against customers. Isak was worldly and as sophisticated as one could be dancing in nothing but a jock strap on a pole. He always had his eyes closed, which gave him that look. The look of chastity and purity. 

Eskild, the guy in drag who oversaw recruiting and managed the dancers, had gone up to Chris and told him they had a new comer. He referred to the boy as ‘Baby Jesus.’ Chris couldn’t really disagree. Eskild had specifically asked Chris to look after Isak. So, there he was, watching all these men tease and taunt the new boy. They all seemed to be captivated by this him. The visible hipbones sticking out over the waistband of his jockstrap, the curve of his ass, how he seemed soft and delicate. 

And then it happened. The young boy was stepping down from the stand he was mounted on when some jackass decides to crowd into his space. Chris’ sight went red when he saw this guy pin Isak against the stage and dragging his hands up Isak’s thighs, cupping his ass. Chris wouldn’t have intervened because most boys who danced at the club would let it happen, maybe even get a little extra money by leaving with them after their shift, but Chris saw Isak’s face. 

Isak was afraid, his eyes wide, lips in a thin line, his entire body stiff, exuding fear. Everything happened so fast after that.  
Chris was making his way over to the Isak in long strides, pulling the son of a bitch off the young boy, practically barking out words,  
“Put your filthy hands on him again, and I’ll cut ‘em off! If I see you anywhere near him again, you’ll wish you’d have never been born. Now get the fuck out!” with all the commotion, William, another bouncer and one of Chris’ closest friends, grabbed the guy and dragged him out of the club. Chris turned to look at the boy in question and saw the fear in his eyes dissipate. 

“Um... thanks for, uh getting him off me. I mean, I know I shouldn’t be all that bothered considering what I do and…”

“No, pretty boy. You dancing on tabletops doesn’t give dicks like him the right to touch you, okay?”  
Isak looked at him, stunned,

“But you don’t get rid of guys that fondle the other dancers?”

Chris couldn’t help but grin,  
“Well, you’re not like the other dancers, are you? You’re way too innocent looking, a ‘Baby Jesus,’ according to Eskild. Why are you even working here? You could do better than this joint, I’m sure.”

Isak chuckled and Chris could see the spark in his eyes,  
“Baby Jesus? I’m far from innocent. I could use the money, so it was either this or straight up prostitution. My ‘innocence’ would accommodate that lifestyle if I wanted, but I’m not that easy.”

It was Chris’ turn to stand there in astonishment. Isak wasn’t just a pretty face. He was pretty damn cunning and knew what most men in this room looked for. Isak was different from the rest of the dancers, there was no question about it. Where other boys had piercings and tattoos, Isak had clean porcelain, unpenetrated skin. Isak had curly golden locks and piercing green eyes that could bore holes through steel walls…

Isak nervously coughed, making Chris realize he had been staring at him this whole time. 

He physically had to shake his head to clear his thoughts,  
“Um, do you wanna get out of here? I know this place that…  
Isak cut him off,  
“You seriously just saved me from some perv and expect me to what? Return the favor?”  
“Woah, hey I didn’t mean it like that. You didn’t even let me finish…I know this place that sells the best ice cream. I’d never expect you to return a favor like that.”

Isak’s face turned a bright shade of red as he turned his attention to the floor,  
“Oh, I’m… shit, sorry. I just don’t… uh, yeah sorry.”

Chris gave a small smile and brought his hand up to lift Isak’s chin,  
“It’s fine, don’t sweat it. So, ice cream? I’m sure Eskild wouldn’t mind his ‘Baby Jesus’ heading out a bit early. I’ll tell William to keep an eye on the rest of the dancers, okay?”

Isak hesitated. He wasn’t sure what this was supposed to be or if it was anything at all. But he felt comfortable and safe in the other’s presence. 

“What’s your name?”  
Chris raised his eyebrows as he realized that he hadn’t even introduced himself,  
“Oh, oh my god. I’m smooth as fuck, huh? Asking a pretty boy on a date and he doesn’t even know my name. Um, Chris, I’m Chris.” 

Isak smiled,  
“So a date, huh? You’re asking me out on a date?”

Chris returned the smile,  
“Yeah, I guess so. Look… like I said before, I don’t expect you to go if you don’t want to. It’s not about returning the fav…”

“I’d love to. So, are we going or what?”

As Isak went to get changed, Chris spoke to William and Eskild and told them he was taking Isak out and they both teased him about it.  
Eskild in his usual leggings, pink wig and a face spruced up with makeup always seemed to make Chris smile. It was just strange because he’d seen Eskild in casual clothes all the time, but drag suited him. It was who he was, and not many people accepted that. 

“Wow, Chris, who would’ve thought? You, going on a date with a boy. And he’s not any kind of boy either; he’s a dancer. Honey, aren’t you too possessive to be going out with a lovely boy that dances for plenty of men?”

“For fucksake, Eskild, stop. I’m just taking him out. We’re not gonna fuck and get fucking married, so chill.”

It was William’s turn to tease Chris,  
“Ice cream, huh? You’re taking pretty boy out for ice cream? Who are you and what have you done with my piece of shit best friend who doesn’t believe in love and relationships?”

“William, what the fuck? Who said anything about love, or relationships for that matter? I’m just taking the kid out, okay? After that jackass tried touching him, he just seemed messed up after that. I just wanna take his mind off it.”

Eskild looked at Chris, shocked,  
“Wait, someone was touching him? Is he alright? He didn’t get hurt, did he?”

“No, Eskild, he’s fine. William and I threw the son of a bitch out before anything else happened. Just don’t mention it, I don’t want Isak to feel weird about it.”

They all turned their attention to Isak as he was walking out of his dressing room, with a book bag slung around his shoulder, curls ruffled and sticking out all over the place. 

Chris resisted the urge to run his hands through Isak’s curls, but Eskild didn’t. He ran his hands though Isak’s hair and started cooing him,  
“Oh, my beautiful Baby Jesus. So, I’ve heard this one,” he pointed his head in Chris’ direction,  
“is taking you out on a date.” William tried his best to cover his laugh with his hand as Chris’ face turned a light shade of red. 

Eskild leaned in so only Isak could hear what he was going to say,  
“He may seem intimidating and tough, but he’s a total softy. But if he does anything stupid, you tell me and I’ll take care of him. And don’t feel like you should put out, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay, love?”

Isak let out a small laugh and raised his eyebrows at the last thing Eskild said. 

Eskild turn his attention to Chris,  
“And you, take care of my little boy, or so help me god,”  
he said in the most intimidating way possible a man in a pink wig and make up could be.  
“You two run along now, and have fun. And well, if you’re going to have any other kind of fun, be safe.”

They both gave him a questioning look.  
Eskild let out an exaggerated sigh,  
“Condoms. Lube. If you’re going to fuck, be safe, geez. How was that not clear? William, was that not clear enough?”

At this point William wasn’t even trying to hold back his laughter. He was full out chuckling and bending over, not able to catch his breath. Chris just glared at them, while Isak tried holding back his own laughter. 

“Okay, no, we’re leaving. Goodnight,”  
With that said, Chris grabbed Isak’s hand and walked through the sea of people, towards the front of the club. Once they were outside, Chris let out a breath and was about to let go of the other boy’s hand when he realized that somewhere along the way, Isak had intertwined their fingers.  
Isak just smiled,  
“So, the ice cream I was promised?”  
Chris gave him a bright smile and lead the way towards the ice cream stand that was open at all hours of the night. He tightened the grip he had on Isak’s hand and kept walking down the empty sidewalk.

Maybe he didn’t believe in love. At least, not until that very moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and tell me your thoughts on it so far.  
> The comments on the previous chapter literally made my day/night/evening/life?
> 
> Currently editing the third chapter, so it should maybe be up by tomorrow.  
> My tomorrow may probably be considered Sunday at 5:32 AM. Omg, I literally don't sleep.


	3. Met a Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Even met Isak & Isak met Even.
> 
> Make sense? Yeah, makes sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I've been awol. I meant to update this on Sunday, but I woke up with the flu. Like the flu that makes you feel like death, fevers and shivers and weakness omg. I've literally been knocked out in bed all week, catching up on my school work and work work. I'm aiming for updates every two to three days.  
> Sorry if there are errors, I'm still trying to regain consciousness and brain strength? Yeah, that's a thing.

After meeting Isak, everything was a blur. Even wasn’t even sure how he managed to get home that night. He walked through the door and Mikael was sprawled out on their shitty couch. He was all twisted, head leaning to one side; he was for sure going to have knots and cramps all over tomorrow. Even wasn’t ready to be bombarded with questions, so he just threw a blanket over Mikael and headed towards his room.

_Isak, the name of said angel that will be ‘taking over your dreams.’_

Even shut the door to his room, stepped out of his shoes and fell back on his bed, not bothering to take off his hoodie. Images of a dancing Isak taking over his mind. Even had to see him again. Isak was like an itch Even couldn’t scratch, a thirst that couldn’t be quenched. Isak was addictive and Even was already feeling the withdrawal symptoms. The angel wasn’t only taking over Even’s dreams, he was corrupting his thoughts; Even couldn’t find it in himself to mind it one bit.

 

He woke up the next morning to clattering from the kitchen. He got up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and made his way towards the kitchen.

 

“Morning.”

 

Mikael turned to look at Even and gave a half smile,

“Morning.”

 

Even saw the bags under Mikael's eyes and felt guilt bubble in his chest. He should have at least told Mikael where he was last night instead of letting him sleep on their fucked up couch, waiting for his return.

 

As if Mikael could read his mind,

“Hey, I can hear you thinking from here. It’s fine. I knew you’d come back, that you just needed time to yourself after Sonja was here. I lied and told her you were spending the night at a friend’s so she’d get off your back. Just… next time text me and tell me you’re okay. You’ve never taken that much time before, so I was just a bit worried.”

 

Even was so grateful for Mikael. Mikael wasn’t like Sonja or his parents for that matter. He never hovered over Even, never monitored everything he did, and that’s all Even needed. He needed someone who could just accept his faults instead of trying to fix him.

God, was he grateful for Mikael.

 

“Thanks. If it happens again, I’ll tell you where I am, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls, I just needed to clear my head and…”

_and I met the most beautiful person I have ever had the privilege to lay eyes on._

 

Mikael nodded his head, signaling Even to continue

“And?”

 

Even took a seat at the breakfast bar, huge smile manifesting itself on his face,

“I met someone last night.”

 

Mikael raised his eyebrows in question,

“You met someone? Wow, wait where? Did you, you know?”

 

Even couldn’t keep from smiling,

“No, we didn’t you know,” he laughed.

“We met at Club Revenge.”

 

Mikael furrowed his eyebrows,

“Wait, isn’t Club Revenge a gay strip club?”

 

Even shrugged,

“Yeah.”

 

Mikael stayed quiet,

“So you met a…”

 

Even couldn’t suppress his laughter,

“I met a boy. Mikael, I met a boy! God, he’s beautiful. Isak. His name’s Isak.”

 

Mikael was taking his time to digest everything that he was just told. Even met someone. He met someone at a club. A gay club. He met a boy. A _beautiful_ boy. Okay then.

 

Even’s smile faltered a bit after watching Mikael take in everything he just said,

“Mikael, this isn’t gonna make things weird, right? I mean, is it a problem or…”

 

Mikael immediately shook his head realizing what Even was implying,

“God no! Even, this isn’t gonna make things weird, man. I don’t have a problem with it, it’s just a surprise, I guess. I didn’t know you were into guys.”

 

“Well, I’m not necessarily _into guys._ Just this _one guy_ in particular. But that’s not important. I’m into this guy and I have to see him again. I have to, Mikael.”

 

Mikael smiled,

“Then we’ll go see him.”

 

Even chuckled,

“We?”

 

Mikael rolled his eyes, as if it wasn’t even a question,

“Well, obviously, I have to meet this _beautiful boy_  of yours _._ If you guys are a thing, then I should meet him, warn him that if he hurts you, there will never be an end to what I do to him. And..”

 

“We’re not a thing. I just saw him and then I bumped into him when I was trying to leave and he has his boyfriend or well, his ex-boyfriend, but they still seem close... What if he’s not interested, I mean he works at this club filled with guys ogling at him, I’m just one of many so…”

 

Mikael shook his head,

“Even, you’re rambling. But, wait, he works at the club? What is he, a bartender?”

 

Even shook his head ‘no.’

Mikael couldn’t think of what else he’d be, a waiter maybe or a bouncer? Or... oh my god,

“A dancer?! He’s a dancer! Even, the boy’s a dancer. You’re interested in some guy who dances like that for a living?”

 

Even stood up and stared Mikael down, a sense of disappointment on his face,

“Like you said, for a living. There’s nothing wrong with what he does. I thought you said this didn’t bother you?”

 

Mikael let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding in. Even must really like this guy to defend him like that. Mikael realized how closed minded he was being too. Even’s _boy_  was earning a living doing what he did and that shouldn’t concern him. Damn, he was being fucking stupid right now.

 

“Even, it doesn’t bother me. It’s just a fucking surprise, okay? You tell me you’re into guys, or just this _one guy_ and this one guy happens to be a dancer. It’s just a lot to process. I just woke up and I'm trying to process all this, sorry.”

 

Even nodded his head in agreement,

“I understand. Look, I’m gonna go see him tonight. I’m telling you so you don’t wait up and think that I’m on the run or..”

 

“Dude, I said _we_ were gonna go. I wanna meet him.”

 

Even crinkled his eyebrows,

“You still want to meet him?”

 

“Well yeah. Wanna check out this club too. I’ve been told it was these fluorescent neon lights that make the club look sick. And girls go to the club, right? Wouldn't be so bad to just _check it out,_ " we wiggled his eyebrows. "So, are we going or what?”

 

Even smiled at the image of neon lights,

“ _Neon lights_. Yeah, we’ll go.”

 

Mikael patted Even’s back,

“It’s settled then. Now sit down and eat some food, you’re far too thin, baby boy,”

he said, pinching Even’s cheek.

 

Even laughed, shrugging him off,

"Fuck off."

 _His angel under neon lights._ He could barely contain himself.

He was going to see the face that clang to his every thought.

 

 

Chris woke up first that morning, which wasn’t unusual. Isak’s sleeping schedule was fucked, and Chris knew it. Isak always brushed it off, the way he brushed off his eating habits; which were also fucked. Chris always made it his priority to make sure Isak ate something, anything every night before going to work. He’d text Isak’s roommates every morning Isak didn’t stay at his place to make sure Isak had eaten something. He monitored everything Isak did and maybe that’s why Isak thought they needed space and time. In other words, a break up.

 

**ONE YEAR PRIOR**

_Chris walked into his apartment to find Isak sitting at the breakfast bar, texting something on his phone._

_“Isak, Jonas said you didn’t eat anything before you left this morning. Is something up?”_

_Isak rolled his eyes,_

_“No, Chris, nothing’s ‘up.’ I just wasn’t hungry.”_

_“Isak, you have to eat, especially if you’re working tonight. You can’t go up there and spend the little energy you have without eating.”_

_Isak kept his eyes on Chris. He was tired. They both were. Most of their arguments stemmed from this. From Isak not eating or sleeping or 'not taking care of himself.' Isak had thought about this conversation way too much. He knew it was inevitable. It was bound to happen sooner or later, Isak didn’t see why he should prolong it._

_“Chris.”_

_“I know, I know, ‘you’re not hungry.’ But..”_

_Isak got up from the stool he was sitting on and walked towards Chris,_

_“Chris. We can’t keep doing this.”_

_Chris furrowed his eyebrows,_

_“I know. But we wouldn’t keep having this conversation if you’d just eat.”_

_The younger boy took Chris’ hands into his own,_

_“No, Chris. This. I love you, but this ‘relationship’ isn’t working. All we do is manage each other this way and … I may not look like it, but I'm nineteen years old, I’m a big boy, Chris. I can look after myself. I don’t need you as my boyfriend to make sure I sleep every night or that I eat every day.”_

_Isak’s’ eyes were glossing over,_

_“I don’t need you to protect me from the monsters lurking late at night,”_

_he said with a sad smile._

_Chris took Isak’s face into both his hands, forcing Isak to meet his eyes,_

_“I love you too, Isak… Even if we’re not together.” Because that's what this was–them not being together anymore._

_He pressed a chaste kiss to Isak’s lips._

_“Even if we’re not together,” he repeated,_

_“I’ll always protect you from the monsters lurking late at night.”_

_They spent some time apart after that-some time being a week. Isak spent most nights at Chris’ apartment, they shared kisses every now and again, but they were chaste, nothing more, nothing less. They both eventually hooked up with other people, but always came back to sleep in the same bed. Nothing serious ever sprung from these flings and was completely fine with them. They were good and that’s all that mattered._

Chris watched Isak stir, slowly blinking his eyes open,

“Morning, pretty boy.”

 

Isak groaned,

“Why do you insist on calling me that. I should come up with something to call you. Grump? Ew?”

 

Chris laughed,

“Ew? You’d call me Ew? Wow, pretty boy, I actually like that. Ew, has a good ring to it.”

 

Isak tried shoving Chris off the bed, failing miserably,

“Shut up. I just woke up. Give me time, I’ll come up with something.”

 

He sat up and stretched,

“Where’s my phone? Jonas and Magnus were supposed to be at the club last night. I can’t remember what bullshit excuse they gave me for not coming.”

 

Chris got up to grab Isak’s phone from off the floor and handed it to him,

“Why were they supposed to be at Revenge anyway? Are they into guys now? I mean, Magnus wouldn’t surprise me, but Jonas?”

 

Isak chuckled,

“You’re an idiot. If I remember correctly, no, they’re not into guys. Magnus wanted to bring some girls they had met. Y’know, girls enjoying pretty boys dancing in nothing but a jockstrap. No one can resist that,”

he said, as he scrolled through his phone.

 

Chris started to remember last night,

“Hey, what was taking you so long last night? Was someone bothering you or y’know..”

 

Isak shrugged, locking his phone to look up and meet Chris’ eyes,

“No, nothing like that. I just… I met a guy.”

 

Chris looked at skeptically,

“You met a guy?”

 

“Yeah. He was really...” he smiled as he remembered the guy stumbling over his words.

_You’re beautiful._

“Different.”

 

Chris slowly nodded,

“Different. Okay, that’s quite a description, Isak.”

 

Isak gave his signature eye roll,

“He’s tall. Like, really fucking tall,” he huffed out a laugh.

“He’s this rip off, blond version of James Dean. He’s good looking–beautiful actually,” he sighed.

“I don’t even know his name. I’ll probably never see him again, so it doesn’t even matter.”

 

Chris took in Isak’s disappointment,

“Well, who knows. Maybe you’ll see him again.”

 

Isak gave an exaggerated sigh and threw himself back on the bed, pulling an arm over his eyes,

“I doubt it. I think that was his first time there. I’ve never seen him before, so, ugh, I don’t know.”

 

Chris smiled at Isak's distress,

“If it was his first time there, he’s surely to go back,” he said, sure of himself.

 

Isak lifted him arm from his eyes to look at Chris,

“Oh yeah? How are you so sure?”

 

Chris shrugged,

“Well, obviously, no one can resist your pretty face. He’ll be back, pretty boy. Now get your lazy ass up, I’m hungry and I’ve waiting for you to wake up to so we can go to the café down the block.”

 

Isak gave a hopeful smile, leaned up and kissed Chris’ cheek. Maybe Chris was right, he’d be back.

 

_Let’s hope he goes back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is moving along like really slow and people are waiting for this Isak and Even part to happen, and I promise the next chapter will finally feature Evak. 
> 
> I'm trying to answer questions and provide a feel for the characters and their background, ya fell? I think each chapter following this one will include a sort of flashback of some sort. And as you can already tell, I tell the story from many perspectives, not just one. It gets kind of confusing sometimes, but I'm working on it.
> 
> Comment below and tell me your thoughts on it so far.


	4. 80s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Club Revenge hosts an 80s theme night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: There's a flashback in this chapter that involves Isak's childhood and his mother's mental state. Because religion was a pretty big part of Isak's storyline, I included that in the flashback. I'm personally not religious, so sorry, in advance, if this offends anyone. 
> 
> I'm so sorry this is super late! I'm still sick and I just don't even know what to do with my life right now. 
> 
> So, still not a total Evak chapter... I kind of lied, sorry. If you're not a fan of slow-burn fics, this may not be for you? I guess that's why I added it to the tags and edited some of the summaries on other chapters. I like adding detailed perspectives and I guessthat's why this is moving fairly slow.  
>  
> 
> And this might be shit because I'm uploading it right now because if I don't do it now, I may not do it for a while. Ha, what am I. I'll edit later, once I've gotten some sleep. 
> 
> I thought I'd be over this flu by now, but nope, if anything, I think I'm getting worse. I made a doctor's appointment. Woo! I've been catching up on school work and sleeping all week so, soz. 
> 
> && I just finished watching When We Rise! Please tell me someone here has been watching it! It's truly astounding and I've cried so much watching it. If you haven't seen it, please consider watching it. It's a true story, based on real people and the most realistic depiction of the progression of LGBTQ rights and culture that I've seen.

 

Their Saturday morning was like any other.  After going out to eat, Eskild called to remind the boys that the club was having their monthly theme night; throwback to the 80s. Meaning, Isak would have to scavenge for old worn out clothes and “ _fabulous neon colors_! _Don’t forget **bright neon colors**!_ ” as per Eskild. Somehow, Eskild managed to rope Chris and William into the theme night too.

 

**Earlier that Week**

_“Oh come on! Live a little, Chris.” William and Isak couldn’t suppress their laughs as Eskild was practically scolding Chris._

_“Eskild, I’m not wearing bright neon colors! No fucking way. You roped in Isak because he’s a dancer and William is just an idiot. I’m not doing it.”_

_Eskild gave him a thoughtful onceover,_

_“What if you didn’t have to wear neon colors?”_

_Chris narrowed his eyes,_

_“I’m not walking around naked either, Eskild.”_

_Eskild rolled his eyes,_

_“No, baby boy. Black. Black is your color. Your hair is already combed back most of the time. A black leather jacket. Ripped black jeans. You’d be the perfect 80s bad boy! Come on, we only do these theme nights once a month. Please,” he clutched his hand over his chest and gave Chris sad puppy dog eyes._

_Chris just stood there, unfazed. Eskild sucked his teeth and stomped like a child throwing a tantrum,_

_“Isak, tell him!”_

_Isak turned to look at Chris, who had a smirk on his face, convinced Isak would side with him,_

_“Eskild’s right. You look good in leather,” he said with a sly smirk._

_Chris’ mouth was gaping, a hint of mischief in his eyes as he stared back at Isak. He snapped out of his gaze and licked his lips,_

_“Fine. But if any of you say anything about it, I swear…”_

_“Oh my god! Baby boy, you’re going to look beautiful! Not that you don’t always look pretty, but oh my god!” Eskild pulled Chris into a bone crushing hug, one that Chris was struggling to get out of. His head was over Eskild’s shoulder, giving him the perfect view of a chuckling Isak and William._

_“Alright, Eskild! I can’t breathe!”_

_Eskild reluctantly let go, while Chris and Isak exchanged a knowing look._

 

Isak was pretty excited for tonight. He usually got twice as many tips on theme nights, and he got quite a lot on regular nights, so getting double was great.  

 

He didn’t need the money as much as he did when he first started working. He didn’t have anywhere to go after his father put his mother in a psyche ward without even telling Isak. Isak’s relationship with his mother was always a complicated one, but whose wasn’t? Maybe he resented her or maybe it was secondhand resentment he felt towards his father, that eventually was projected onto his mother.

 

His father left with his younger sister the night his mother lost it completely.

 

_Broken plates and smashed mirrors. Bible verses were being shouted throughout the house. Isak was in his room calling his father, telling him to get home as soon as he could, when he heard yelling coming from the hall. He dropped the phone and ran towards the bathroom to find his mother forcing his sister’s head into a tub filled with water._

_“Rid of her sins oh holy father! Rid of her sins!”_

_Isak was frozen in place. He saw it unfold in slow motion. His little sister crying and clawing at their mother. He was suddenly grabbed by his shirt and tossed back. His father barged through the threshold and grabbed his mother, pushing her to the ground, grabbing Lea,_

_“You’ve gone fucking mad! What were you doing!”_

_His mother was clawing at Lea, trying to get a hold of her,_

_“We have to rid her of her sins! We have to, Emmanuel! She could burn in hell if we don’t!”_

_His father had a look of horror in his eyes as he wrapped Lea in a towel, eyes never leaving his wife,_

_“She’s eight years old, Marianne. She’s eight,” he took a deep shaky breath and shook his head,_

_“You’re sick. You’re fucking sick.”_

_He turned around, stepping over Isak with Lea in his arms and headed down the stairs, slamming the door on his way out. Isak sat there, watching his mother weep, pleading God for forgiveness._

_“I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry. I couldn’t save her. Forgive me. Please forgive me, holy father.”_

_Isak crawled over to where his mother was kneeling and put his head in his mother’s lap. He wasn’t sure whether he was comforting her or himself._

 

_She ran her hand through his unruly curls, wiping her tears,_

_“Isak, promise you’ll never leave me.”_

_Isak sat up and took his mother’s hands into his own,_

_“I’ll never leave you, mama.”_

_He brushed the loose strands of hair out of her face and pulled her into a hug. He silently cried into her shoulder._

_He was only twelve._

_His father came back two days later. He told Isak he was no longer going to be living with him and his mother. He was moving away with Lea._

 

_“I don’t have enough space to take you with us,” he lifted Isak’s chin to look into his eyes, “Besides, you have to look after your mother. She needs you. You have to be strong for her. Okay, Isak?”_

_Isak merely nodded, not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to leave his mother; he promised he wouldn’t. So, that’s how he spent the rest of his teen years, taking care of his mother. His father paid for their food and any other necessities. Isak helped his mother through her episodes, taking care of the destruction that came afterwards._

_It was four in the morning when Isak received a phone call from a hospital, informing him that they had his mother there. He jumped out of bed to go check his mother’s room, finding it empty, their front left open. When he got to the hospital, his father was already there._

_“Pappa, what happened?”_

_His father looked up from the chair he was sitting in, a scold on his face,_

_“You were supposed to be taking care of her! She was running barefoot through traffic, yelling insanities! She nearly got run over!” his father took a deep breath, calming himself._

_“Isak, she’s not well. A psychologist is with her right now. I’ve spoken to him and he thinks it might be best to put her in an institute. They’d know how to take care of her there. ”_

_Isak looked at his father with disbelief,_

_“A psyche ward? You want to put her in a crazy house?! No! I’ll—I’ll find a way to take care of her! I just, I was asleep. I didn’t know she ran out like that. I can take care of her! I can! You can’t take her away!”_

_His breathing was ragged and uneven, his vision blurry. He heard his father yell his name before his head hit the floor and everything went black._

_When he woke up, he was at home on his mother’s loveseat. It took time for his vision to adjust, but he saw that it was dark out. His father emerged from the kitchen,_

_“You’re awake. How are you feeling?”_

_“Where’s mamma?”_

_His father stayed quiet, trying to find the right words,_

_“I—Isak, I signed the papers. She’s being institutionalized. It’s for her own good. Isak?”_

_Isak’s expression was blank. He stared at the pictures scattered on the coffee table. He figured his mother was probably looking through them before she ran through the streets of Oslo. She looked happy holding a baby Isak in her arms. He snapped back into reality when his father stood right in front of him, blocking the photographs._

_“Isak, I’m looking for a bigger place. You’ll come live with me and Lea. Just give me some time, okay? Meanwhile, you’ll stay here and I’ll check up on you. Once I find a place, we’ll rent out this…”_

_“No.”_

_“What? Isak…”_

_“I said no. I’m not going anywhere with you,” he let out a sadistic laugh,_

_“You’ll come check up on me? That’s rich, coming from you. All these years and how many times did you come check up on me? You dropped off money in the mailbox or just put it into an account. You just put mamma into a psyche ward and you expect me to go with you, be a happy little family? Fuck you.”_

_“Isak.”_

_“Get out! Leave! I’ll be out of here by the end of the week. Then you can do whatever the fuck you want with the house, I don’t give a shit.”_

_“Isak, you’re my son. Where are you gonna go?”_

_“You lost your ‘son’ the day you walked out that door four years ago. Do me one last favor.”_

_His father gave a hopeful look,_

_“Anything.”_

_“Text me the address of where mamma is. Now, please, get out.”_

_His father looked at him, shocked. He nodded, grabbed his coat, and left._

_Isak was only sixteen._

When Isak and Chris arrived at the club later that day, Eskild and the rest of the dancers had already decorated. Eskild had on an outfit straight out of the _Getting Physical_ music video; a pair of hot pink neon tights, a vintage sleeveless leotard, leg warmers, and wrist bands. It was quite a sight.

 

“My children! What are you doing? You need to get dressed! Baby Jesus, you’re taking main stage tonight! I assume you don’t have a fabulous outfit for tonight, so I left some clothes in your dressing room. I think they’ll look perfect on you! Now go! You have to be on stage in ten!”

 

They both made their way to Isak’s dressing room to find a vintage multi-colored windbreaker, some torn, waist-high, pegged pair of jeans, that had so many holes in them, you could barely even call them jeans, and a pair of LA gear high-tops, and one sleek black leather jacket.

 

“Wow.”

 

Isak started undressing as Chris simply shrugged on the black leather jacket, he assumed Eskild left for him,

“Well, come on now, pretty boy. I’m dying to see an eighties version of you,” Chris smirked.

 

Isak shoved him,

“This isn’t fair, you know. All you had to do was put on a jacket! I have a whole damn persona to create. But you wouldn’t know anything about that because you’re not an _artist,”_ he said with a smirk.

 

They both looked at each other and busted out laughing.  

When they finally managed to calm down, Chris spoke,

“Hey, um, you’re okay with taking the main stage? I’m sure Eskild could have another boy do it…”

 

“Chris. I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing this for almost two years now.”

 

“And how much longer are you gonna keep doing it for?”

 

Isak turned around, facing Chris,

“Don’t. we’ve talked about this before. Just leave it.”

 

“Isak, you can’t work here for the rest of your life. You’re smart. The smartest person I know. You could go back to school.”

 

Isak sighed,

“Please, just drop it… Look, I know you care about me and that you think you know what’s best, but I can look after myself. I’m not gonna do this forever, obviously, but I don’t want to make lifetime decisions right now. I just want to dance and live and forget and do it all over again tomorrow. Just for right now, while I’m young, let me live.”

 

Chris couldn’t help but notice how small Isak looked in that moment. It was like he was being scolded by his parents. Like he was being lectured, which was kind of what Chris was doing, but still. Chris didn’t want to remind Isak of his parents. He knew everything Isak went through and he didn’t want to bring those memories back. Isak wasn’t only the smartest and kindest person Chris had ever met, but the strongest. Knowing this didn’t stop Chris from wanting to shield Isak from any inevitable pain. Chris felt like Isak could break at any given moment after a lifetime of holding it all in.

 

So, he had to let most things go,

“Okay. I’m sorry. I just—let’s just go pick up as many twinks as we can, yeah?”

 

Isak’s lips slowly turned up into a smile, pulling on his colorful windbreaker,

“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m what’s considered a twink. Don’t think the twink-twink dynamic works.”

 

Chris looked at him in awe and pulled him into a hug,

“I lo—I have an intense feeling of deep affection for you, Isak.”

 

Isak smiled into Chris’ shoulder,

“I love you too, Chris. Now come on, we’re supposed to be _picking up as many twinks as we can.”_

They both let go and Isak gave Chris a onceover,

“You know, I wasn’t wrong.”

 

Chris narrowed his eyes,

“About what?”

 

Isak smirked and started towards the door,

“You look good in leather,” he was out the door before Chris could even process what Isak had said.

 

 

Working main stage was something all dancers wanted, well, for the exception of Isak, of course. Isak was skeptical about working aa club, especially as a dancer, but he needed the money. It took him a while to get used to all the attention and ogling and propositions, and having Chris there to fend them off was quite the help.

 

The problem with working main stage was that all eyes were on you. There were a lot of hands and words said that weren’t necessarily respectful, to say the least.  Like that one of many times a guy reached up to grabbed Isak’s legs, asking him, _what can that pretty mouth do._ Needless to say, Chris was there in less than two seconds, fucking up the guy that dared to touch Isak. It was a system; the way things went that he was far used to by now. So tonight, shouldn’t be any different, _right_?

 

 

 

 

Even and Mikael were making their way through the club doors, scanning the crowd of sweaty bodies. It was all luminous, ears blaring with the _thump thump_ of the music. It was filled with life. _Neon colors._

 

“Even, I don’t get why we have to _dress up_ to go to a club. Why have theme nights? I mean _you’re_ already a true depiction every boy in the eighties, like all the time. With your jean jackets and combed back hair. I don’t like being in a room filled with hundreds of versions of you. I can barely deal with one of you.”

 

Even closed into Mikael’s space and gave him a kiss on the cheek,

“You love me, really. Mikael, I honestly don’t understand how you don’t appreciate the astounding effect of the eighties, even the early nighties!”

 

Mikael gave an exaggerated groan, pushing Even away,

“Even, no. I don’t need a lesson on eighties culture right now. Alcohol. That’s what I need right now. Then, point out _pretty boy_. I’m dying to meet this boy that seems to captivate every single one of your thoughts.”

 

Even smiled at the thought of Isak. His angel. He kept looking around the room, hoping he’d see those unruly, golden curls. He looked up on the tabletops. Nope. Was he even working tonight? What if tonight was his night off? Damnit. Maybe he quit after what happened with that guy or…

 

“Now, now! Settle down, girls!” a voice came from the main stage. Even turned his attention to what he assumed was a guy dressed as a girl straight out of the _Getting Physical_ music video. Even was quite fond of him.

 

“Obviously, tonight is a special night. Especially with the fabulous dancer that will be taking stage tonight! Give it up for my baby Jesus, my child, Issy!”

 

And there he was, making he was onto the stage. The answer to Even’s prayers, the cure to all illness, the body that seemed to stop everything else going on in that room. He watched in awe as Isak took center stage, hand gripping the pole there. _Let’s Hear it for the Boy_ playing and Even couldn’t even find it in himself to laugh at the song choice. It was eighties themed, but still.

 

His amusement was golfed up by the sway of Isak’s hips, his hands running through his curls, coming down his neck, gripping the zipper of his windbreaker, slowing coming down to reveal his torso. Even felt a pang of shame as he watched. It felt wrong. He felt like he was violating Isak. He tore his eyes away, catching Mikael’s grin.

 

“I’m assuming that’s Isak. He’s quite pretty, actually.”

 

Even shoves at him shoulder,

“Oh my god. Don’t say shit like that. I kind of don’t like you being too comfortable with me liking him.”

 

Mikael chuckles and shoves back,

“Hey, I can find guys attractive, you know. He’s obviously something everyone here likes. It would be quite intimidating if I were you.”

 

They both looked up at Isak on the main stage from the bar. He was working the zipper on his jeans, grinding against the pole. His beautiful eyes fluttering shut as he shoved a hand down his jeans, gripping the pink fabric covering his crotch. It was mesmerizing. He had the entire club captivated. Everybody entranced by the pretty boy touching himself on stage. Guys whistling and wooing the boy.

 

“Speed it up, Princess! Let’s see that pretty ass!”

 

Even snapped out of his trance turning his attention to the drunken asshole clasping at Isak’s legs. Isak seemed to have snapped out of it too, trying to step back, out of the asshole’s reach.

 

“Come on, Princess! Let’s not act like a virgin, now! You’re obviously not one, pretty boy! Come here!”

 

He started to climb his way up on stage and Even snapped. From one moment to the next, he was making his way through the crowd, Mikael’s voice in the background, calling his name. He was jumping on stage, gripping the drunk’s shirt and punching him so hard, he swore he heard an excruciating crack of bones. He kept punching. He saw red. He would have kept punching if it weren’t for a pair of hands gripping his shoulders.

 

“Hey! Stop! You’re gonna kill him! Stop!”

An angelic voice laced with panic. Even stopped, his vision taking time to adjust. He looked around and saw people in the crowd making their way towards the exit, giving him scolding looks. The hands that had stopped him, grabbed his and helped him up off the guy he nearly punched to death. Being lead backstage, he was met with the _Getting Physical_ persona was that he was fond of.

 

Isak gripped Even’s hand, leading him down the hall, towards his dressing room.

 

“Isak! Are you okay?! Honey, I’m sorry, that fucking asshole tried to touch you. What are you doing with him?!”

 

“I’m fine Eskild. Look, someone called the cops. They’ll be here any second now, everyone’s rushing out. Just make sure they know it was just a bar fight, okay? I’m taking him to get cleaned up.”

 

“Shit. Of course, of course. But baby, are you sure you want to be alone with _him_. I just, I can find Chris. Fucking Chris. He was supposed to be looking after you! When I see him!”

 

“Eskild! I’ll be fine. I’m,” he turned to smile at Even,

“I’m his angel, right, um?” he said, indicating for Even to speak.

 

Even returned his smile, remembering that Isak didn't know his name, _smooth, Even, smooth,_

“Even. I’m Even. And of course, my angel. He’s my angel.”

 

Eskild’s confused image turned into a smirk,

“I assume you two _know_ each other then?”

 

Isak smirked, his eyes still on Even,

“Yeah. We know each other.”

 

Eskild nodded slowly, mumbling an _mm-hmm_ as he left them in the hallway. They looked at each other intently, calculating. Isak ran his tongue over his lips, watching as Even’s eyes followed his movement. It was amusing. Intoxicating.

 

Isak coughed, gathering Even’s attention, a grin playing on his lips

“Well, come on, my savior. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

 

Isak sat Even down in his dressing room, as he grabbed a couple of tissues and a water bottle to wash off the blood that stained Even’s knuckles. He gripped Even’s hands, drizzling water over the tissues, gently wiping against Even’s knuckles. Even watched Isak and his delicacy. God, he was beautiful.

 

“So… did I _take over your dreams last night_?”

 

“You have no fucking idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you can see from this cliffhanger, there will obviously be Evak interaction in the next chapter, I pinky promise. 
> 
> I'm gonna start diving into Even's background in the next chapter. 
> 
> Can we just talk about my slight obsession with 80s fashion and culture in general. I've always loved 80s fashion, like I know it's recently become a trend, but like pictures of me in elementary school, omg. I've worked this 80s fashion since my childhood. I live for pegged jeans and high tops.  
> I've managed to rope my boyfriend into 80s fashion too! It's honestly my greatest accomplishment ever! 
> 
> Comment and tell me your thoughts so far! I love input and opinion, thanks guys!


	5. Starry Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Even's background
> 
> && some Evak, as promised, ha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm terrible at updating, my apologies. 
> 
> This chapter contains Even's diagnosis and his life since then. Even's parents had a bit of a hard time accepting Even's illness. I don't think this is how his parents actually reacted in canon, but I needed this for the angst and life Even carries now.  
> And I kind of didn't like Sonja after she said what she said to Isak in Skam. She apologized and all, but still. I have no chill for her, soz. 
> 
> Also, a lot of guys said you liked the flashbacks, and mine are a bit over the place. If there's something that seems off or confusing, please feel free to ask in the comments. 
> 
> This chapter was a bit hard to write because it became a bit personal. I've been on prescriptions since I was thirteen for serotonin deficiency. I've come to terms with my illness and have been on medication since, though it's been pretty damn hard. But, in the words of a wise smol bean we all know and love,
> 
> "only you can feel what you feel."
> 
> alt er love.

When Even was diagnosed, everyone’s world seemed to come crashing down. It all clicked, like a puzzle, the center piece that was missing, finally there, giving away the image the figure was depicting. Why a ten-year-old Even was obsessed with dialogue and knew most movies word for word. How he could describe the cinematography of a movie, a thousand words a minute, by the time he was eleven. The boy’s obsession with love and its paradoxical effect on everything it touched.

 

Being diagnosed at thirteen with a disease you knew absolutely nothing about was _interesting,_ to say the least. Even was the least affected by the news, even though it affected him and _only_ him. Or at least that’s what he thought at first. His mother cried and his father hugged her. His sister was months old, smiling at him from her stroller. What he’d give to have that innocence, being unaffected by everything. He stroked a finger along her cheek, making her smile.

 

_“Even has manic-depressive disorder, otherwise known as bipolar disorder.”_

_“What—what is that supposed to mean? What is that?”_

_“To put the disorder in simpler terms, Even will experience days like these. He’ll experience extreme highs, a feeling of euphoria. This would be the manic phase. There’s no telling how long these highs will last, but afterwards, his body crashes. He’ll come down from his high, becoming depressed. Hence, the depressive phase. Just like the manic phase, there’s no telling how long the depressive phase will last.”_

_“But—that’s it. You can’t… fix him?”_

_Even brought his head up at that. Fix him? He was thirteen years old, and even he knew this disorder didn’t mean he was broken. It hurt. It fucking hurt hearing that coming from his mother._

_“Mrs. Naesheim, this disorder doesn’t have a cure, if that’s what you mean. The good thing about being diagnosed early on is that we can put him on medication, see which one suits him best. This won’t cure him, but it could help manage his phases.”_

Life after that was never the same. There were days, even weeks, he didn’t come out of his room. He couldn’t find the strength to. He felt numb on those days. Completely, utterly numb. Then there were times of overexcitement. That feeling of _euphoria._ He could do anything, really. At least that’s what it felt like. Most times, his parents grew angry with it, with him. Like his compulsive commentary during a film (any film, really).

 

_“You know this film’s portrayal of Van Gogh’s life through Tim Roth, it’s fucking amazing!!    Van Gough is mainly known as the ‘guy that painted Starry Night’ but he was far more than that! Being as successful as he was, a Dutch painter, he suffered from depression, delusions, and psychotic episodes! But he knew, he was aware, completely conscious of his mental instability, so much so, that he neglected his physical health. His work was a part of the Post-Impressionism Period…”_

_“Even, honey…”_

_“It was a French art movement, it only really extended impressionism, while rejecting its limitations. It included emphasis on using geometric shapes, and distort forms for expressive effect…”_

_“Even…”_

_“But, his life was tragic, so fucking tragic. In 1888, he ended up in a hospital in Arles. He said he was being assaulted by voices and severed his left ear with a razor. In the asylum, he wrote, ‘sometimes moods of indescribable aguish, sometimes moments when the veil of time and fatality of circumstances seemed to be torn apart for an instant.’ He was a fucking genius, mom.”_

_“Even, please…”_

_“In 1890, he shot himself…”_

_“Even! Please stop!”_

_“Mom, listen! You have to listen! This was the best part! The endings are always the best part! He shot himself in the wheat field he would paint in at the age of thirty-seven. He didn’t die instantly though, no! He was taken to a hospital, where he would contract an infection, helpless because that’s what he was, helpless! He was in his hospital bed, smoking a pipe, his final words… the sadness will last forever. The sadness will last forever!”_

_“Even! That’s enough! Why! Why do you do this! Don’t you see what you’re doing to your mother! Stop! Stop!”_

_“Eliot! Stop! Just stop, please!”_

_It was a house of screaming and crying. His father grabbing his mother, taking her upstairs, leaving Even with his baby sister, sitting there staring back at each other._

_He crawls over to her on the carpeted floor,_

_“You know, Van Gogh’s life might have been a tragic one, but he left behind so many beautiful pieces of himself to make up for it. I—I’ll leave you behind. You’re the most beautiful piece of my life, you’ll make me a beautiful tragedy.”_

_He never did leave her._

 

His relationship with his parents wasn’t ever the same after that. His father apologized to him countless times, always doing something to try and make up for it. His mother always seemed to look at him with sad eyes, but his sister always smiled at him; oblivious to effect it had on her older brother.

After he adjusted to his medication, his relationship with his family was still on edge, but it was better somehow. His parents tried their best to adjust to everything too, it was a big change for everyone. They all just needed time.  

 

Meeting Mikael was the best thing that had ever happened to him after being diagnosed. Mikael became his light in all the darkness that had consumed his life. Mikael was the kid that saw the beauty in travesty, the life in death, the sun beyond a storm, even saw an Even beyond a disease.

 

They were fifteen when Even told Mikael about his illness. Mikael didn’t say much. He sat and listened to a depressed Even telling him what the disease was and why he was so hot and cold with Mikael. Even expected Mikael to leave, to run as far away from him as he could. He was some fucked up _freak_ that couldn’t control his emotions or what he did during his highs. Somehow that wasn’t excuse enough for him doing the fucked-up things he’d done.

 

Mikael stayed.

 

A few months after that, Even met Sonja. She was beautiful. She had short neck-length blond strands, bright eyes, and an amazing smile. He was funny and smart. She knew who Baz Luhrmann was and knew almost every single film he’d ever directed. Their romance was like one out of a movie, a whirlwind romance that happened hard and fast, meaning there was only ever one way it was going to end.

 

_“So are you coming over after school? We haven’t finished the clip we wanted to get done for our film.”_

_“Oh fuck. Mikael, dude, I can’t. Sonja wanted us to meet up with her friends. Tomorrow, yeah?”_

_“Even. You’ve said that for the past week. If we don’t get this film done, we’re not gonna be able to submit it.”_

_“Mikey, we’ll get it done. It’s just that Sonja…”_

_“Damnit, Even, okay! Look, I’m only telling you this because we’re friends. I don’t like Sonja. She’s just, she’s controlling and possessive. You spend all your time with her, and that’s fine, I mean she’s your girlfriend. But Even, she won’t even let us hang out anymore.”_

_“She’s not controlling! What the fuck I wrong with all of you not liking her! She’s perfect. She’s amazing, Mikael.”_

_“Even…”_

_“No! You’re just… you’re jealous. You don’t like her because I spend my time with her instead of you. Go get yourself a damn girlfriend so you can stop bothering me!”_

Even had realized what he said too late. He would never forget the look of hurt on Mikael’s face. Mikael turned around and started to walk away,

 

_“Mikael, wait!"_

_Even ran to catch up with Mikael when he suddenly turned around to face Even,_

__"_ _ __Look, I’m sorry. I’ve just been on edge lately and…”_ _

_“No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to blame your disease because you’re not fucking manic right now, you’re just being a dick. And you know what, go to Sonja. You’re mad that none of us like her, but have you ever really thought, ‘hm, if all my friends don’t like my girlfriend, they might be on to something.’ I mean Even, your parents don’t even like her, for fucksake, your three-year-old sister doesn’t even like her!”_

_Mikael took a deep breath and continued, running a hand through his hair,_

_“Do what you want. I’m not going to tell you what to do. I hope you’re happy with her, honestly. Goodbye, Even.”_

_Even furrowed his eyebrows, what the fuck,_

_“Mikael, what the fuck. Don’t say it like that. I’m going to see you tomorrow.  I’m coming over finish the film.”_

_“No, Even. I’ll finish it on my own. I’ll submit it and if we win, I’ll text you. I think it’s best we didn’t hang out for a while. I mean, we haven’t hung out anyway, but at least now we’ll acknowledge it,”_

_he said with a sad smile._

_“Mikael…”_

_“Bye, Even.”_

_They didn’t talk for two years._

 

Isak finished bandaging Even’s hand and leaned back to take a look at his handy work,

“There. I don’t think anything’s broken, but we could go to a hospital if you want?”

 

Even smiled,

“I think I’ll live.”

 

They held each other’s gazes for what seemed like forever. It was intense, a contest of ‘who could hold out longer that the other.’ Isak still had his hand on Even’s bandaged one, running his thumb along Even’s running, soothingly. It was too much, yet too little contact all at once.

 

Even brought his other hand up to cup Isak’s face, bringing him closer. Isak’s eyes flickered to Even’s lips as Even’s did the same. They were there, face to face, breathing in each other’s air. Then, without hesitation, Even leaned in, his lips meeting Isak’s. It was chaste, slow. It felt fucking incredible. Then Isak’s hands came to claim Even’s hair, deepening the kiss. It went from slow and innocent to fast and intense. Tongues fighting for dominance, neither one gaining the upper hand.

 

Even was practically straddling Isak when the door shot open with bang,

 

“Isak!”

 

They jumped apart, standing up from where they were sitting, eyes wide as they took in the intruder.

 

“Chris, what the fuck! You’re gonna put a hole through the wall opening doors like that.”

 

Chris rolled his eyes as he came closer, bringing his hands to Isak’s face,

“William told he some asshole tried jumping the stage. You okay?”

 

Isak gave a small smile, brushing a strand of Chris’ hair out of the boy’s face,

“I’m fine.”

 

Chris took Isak into his arms, embracing him, breathing in the smaller boy’s scent. As he looked over Isak’s shoulder, Even caught his sight. He let go of Isak, and acknowledged the other boy’s presence,

 

“Who’s he?”

 

Isak turned around to face Even and smiled,

“Chris, this is Even, my knight in shining armor. Even, Chris.”

 

Even couldn’t help but smile towards Isak as he took Chris’ hand in greeting. This didn’t go unnoticed by Chris.

 

Chris tightened his grip on Even’s hand, gaining his attention, so he let go,

“Thanks for doing that, man. I’m sure pretty boy here could have managed, with him being all tough.”

 

That earned a punch on the shoulder from Isak,

“I am tough! I could have handled it. I just, I was caught off guard…”

 

Even laughed at Isak’s little outburst.

 

“Well, come on pretty boy, that was enough excitement for the night, I’m taking you home.”

 

Even suddenly felt out of place. He shook his head slightly (as if that would erase the kiss he shared with Isak just moments ago), making his way towards the door when Isak spoke,

“Actually, Even was gonna take me to get some food. Right, Even?”

 

Even turned around, looking questionably at Isak.

“He’s taking you to get food?”

Chris asked skeptically.

 

“Yeah. He owes me.”

 

Even perked up at that,

“I’m sorry but why do _I owe you?_ I came to _your_ rescue, remember?”

 

Isak grinned,

“And I bandaged that,”

he said pointing towards Even’s hand.

 

“You could have contracted an infection or something, but I cleaned it, so technically, I saved you. You owe me.”

 

Even grinned.

“Okay.”

 

Chris just stood there, watching the interaction. Isak was smiling, he was happy. It gave Chris this weird feeling in the pit on his stomach. He didn’t know what to think, but he knew he needed to sort himself out _right now_.

 

Chris coughed nervously,

“Um, can I talk to you real quick, before you guys go?”

 

Isak looked at him quizzically,

“Yeah… Um, Even, I’m gonna grab my stuff. I’ll meet you outside, yeah?”

 

Even nodded,

“Yeah.”

 

He walked out, shutting the door behind him. Isak began gathering his clothes, pulling a hoodie over his head.

 

“This Even guy… did you meet him tonight?”

 

Isak finished pulling on his jeans, so he could put on his shoes when he smiled at the bare thought of Even,

 

“He’s actually the guy. Remember the other day. It’s him, he came back after all.”

 

Chris couldn’t help but huff out a laugh, _go figure._ Isak was smiling so wide, he couldn’t help but smile back. He walked over to where Isak was sitting and held out his hands for Isak to take.

 

Chris stood Isak up and brought his hands to Isak’s face,

“Isak, I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I was buying weed off this guy and I wasn’t supposed to be gone long. Damnit, I could have gotten it later, if something would have happened to you…”

 

Isak shook his head taking Chris face into his hands, meeting Chris’ eyes,

“Chris, it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you, I never would. I’m okay, look.”

 

Chris gave Isak a small smile, leaning in, giving Isak a peck on the lips.

“My pretty boy,”

he murmured against Isak’s hair as he pulled the younger boy into a hug.

 

“Alright, Chris, you can let go. Geez, since when have you been so sappy.”

 

Chris laughed into Isak’s hair, finally letting him go,

“So, you’re on the verge on getting laid tonight. This Even guy is pretty fucking tall, I wonder…”

 

“No, Chris! No way we’re talking about this, what the fuck. Like I said, we’re getting food.”

 

Chris smirked,

“Ahha. We’re using code names now?”

 

“Jesus, Chris, no. Oh my God, you’re worse than Eskild. Bye, I’m leaving.”

He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder, turning around to watch Chris smirk at him. He ran over to give Chris a quick kiss on the lips and was almost out the door when Chris yelled after him,

“I’m guessing you’re not coming back to mine after _grabbing food_ with Even?”

 

Isak let out a laugh,

“No, I might actually go to my apartment for once. I haven’t seen Jonas in a while. It’s pretty stupid to pay rent for a place I don’t even live in now that I think about it.”

 

“Have a good time, pretty boy!”

 

Isak was making his way through the crowd of bodies dancing to Dexys Midnight Runner’s _Come on Eileen._ He caught Eskild’s eye and Eskild just winked and pointed towards the entrance doors.

 

There stood his knight in shining armor, practically beaming as he met Isak’s eyes. Isak readjusted the strap on his shoulder and walked towards Even. Even held the door open for him, waiting until they were outside to drag Isak into a hungry kiss. Isak’s breath hitched as Even brought his hands to rest on Isak’s hips.

When Even pulled back, he was dazed. _Damn, this boy was beautiful._

“So, where are we eating?”

he asked as he intertwined his fingers with Isak’s’.

 

Isak grinned,

“I’ve got a place in mind.”

 

Even laughed as he let Isak drag him down the nearly empty sidewalk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I'm aiming for weekly updates right now. 
> 
> A bit of a sidenote: I spend hours on hours reading and writing about people or things I find interesting. Needless to say, Vincent Von Gogh is one of the people I can't learn enough about. I legit have dozens of journals and notebooks filled with this kind of writing. Yeah, I'm strange like that, ha.
> 
> If you guys have any questions about anything, please feel free to comment down below. I enjoy comments and feedback!


	6. Dreamers Often Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The walk back to Even's place, ensuing talk about parallel universes and an introduction of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've personally read up on parallel universes and it's quite an interesting topic and the way it was weaved into Skam was genius! Isak's quite philosophical tbh.
> 
> && I know I haven't updated in like two weeks, soz. I'm shit tbh. I also know this is kind of short, but it kind of felt wrong to upload a whole chunk of what I've been writing, so I'm splitting it up. I'll be uploading the morning after later today. 
> 
> Enjoy rants about infinite universes!

They were walking hand in hand, swaying along the sidewalk towards Even’s apartment after sharing an ice cream cone Isak insisted they get. They spent the entire walk talking about absolutely nothing and everything all at once. The slow but steady decline of the CD, how each decade has its own set of music that is now either sitting in a box, in an old record store or on display in an antique shop. The artwork for every single one of Journey’s albums, the eighties obsession with outer space and life beyond what they knew.

 

“Parallel universes?”

 

Even was leading Isak up the stairs towards his apartment, having texted Mikael beforehand to let him know everything was fine and that he was taking the _Angel_ home with him; and no, that didn’t mean they were gonna _sex up the place, thank you very much, Mikael._

“Ja. You know, it’s a theory, but I’m pretty sure they’re real.”

 

Even hummed in response as he unlocked the door to his apartment,

“What’s the theory then?”

 

Isak walked into the apartment and toed his shoes off, following Even’s suit,

“You believe in the Big Bang Theory?”

 

Even looked up at Isak in amusement,

“Of course! An unknown, incredible enough force creating subatomic particles that later accumulated to form stars and galaxies. Galaxies that keep retreating into one another, the never-ending expansion of space, black holes, the alignment of planets and orbits and rings—”

 

Isak held his hand up, smiling widely,

“Okay, Even, chill! Well, the parallel universe theory stems from the Big Bang Theory. Some physicists simply believe that space is so big that the rules of probability imply that surely, somewhere, there must be another Earth. These infinite universes have the same planets and the events that play out here are virtually the same in every universe. Others think that certain regions in space undergo an inflation phase, in which the space between us and another universe expand faster than the speed of light, making these universes infinitely unreachable. I mean there are at least a dozen of other theories involving chaotic inflation or the ekpyrotic theory… or the quantum physics one, oh and the mathematical democracy principle—”

 

“Isak! Jesus, hold on. Wow, that’s just, jeez.”

 

Isak smiled shyly, reaching for the beer Even was handing him,

“Sorry.”

 

Even shook his head taking a seat next to Isak on the couch,

“No, I didn’t mean for you to apologize. It’s all interesting and amazing… it’s just, I don’t know. It just—”

 

Before Even could finish his thought, a flash of fur emerged from down the hall and hauled itself onto the couch, on top of Isak.

 

Isak startled, clumsily placing his beer on the coffee table in front of him,

“What the—oh my god, you have a dog?”

 

Isak smiled fondly as the mutt began sniffing him, licking his face with enthusiasm.

 

Even couldn’t help but smile at the sight,

“Yeah, young Baz, though he usually never comes out of my room, and he especially never shows this much affection for strangers.”

 

Baz continued licking Isak’s face, readjusting himself in Isak’s lap,

“Baz? Unusual name.”

 

Even began petting Baz’s head, encouraging him to calm down,

“Unusual? Isak, my dearest Isak, Baz is not some _unusual_ name… ” Even was interrupted by Baz yawning loudly in Isak’s face, causing Isak to turn away from the infamous puppy breath.

 

Isak looked up from where he was looking over Baz’s collar to face Even, green eyes meeting blue. They stayed like that, letting the unspoken question linger. After what seemed like an eternity of staring into each other’s eyes.

 

Even laughed softly as he gathered the forty-pound puppy in his arms,

“I suppose I’ll educate you on Baz’ name some other time…Um, it’s pretty late, so—”

 

Isak’s eyes widened as he stood up abruptly,

“Yeah, um, I’m, uh, I should—I’m gonna go. Thanks for y’know, tonight—”

 

Even shook his head standing up from the couch with Baz in his arms,

“Isak, I was going to ask if you wanted to stay. I mean, I wouldn’t let you walk all the way back on your own. It’s nearly close to sunrise. Just—stay?”

 

Isak blinked at Even, considering, when Baz let out a small whine, turning towards Isak. Even approached Isak, letting Baz lick Isak some more, nearly climbing out of Even’s arms,

“Only if I get to sleep with Baz.”

 

Even grinned,

“Of course.”

 

Even readjusted his hold on Baz and grabbed Isak’s hand, leading him towards his room. Even tripped over a skateboard in the middle of the dark hallway, nearly falling over,

“Damnit! I don’t get why Mikael can’t clean up after himself.”

 

Isak stifled a laugh,

“Mikael?”

 

Even regained his composure, grabbing Isak’s hand again leading him into his room,

“My roommate, we’ve been friends since, since forever. I love him to death, but God, does he need to learn how to clean up after himself.”

 

Isak laughed whole heartedly,

“I’m assuming he’s not here right now?”

 

Even opened his door, leading them inside, closing the door with a small thud,

“No, he actually went with me to the club tonight. I texted him and told him I’d come back home. You might get to meet him tomorrow, if you want?”

 

Isak gave a vague nod, his attention diverting to Even’s room. Isak took his time to look around as Even release Isak’s hand to put Baz on his bed so he could pick up some books and clothes he had scattered around. A couple of doodles caught Isak’s attention.

Isak huffed out a laugh,

“You drew these?”

 

Even turned to see what Isak was inquiring,

“Yeah. You like them?”

 

Isak fiddled with the drawings pinned on Even’s wall,

“Yeah. They’re funny.”

 

Even smiled fondly at Isak,

“Come on, we should get some sleep. I’m making you breakfast in the morning.”

 

Isak got into bed after taking off his hoodie and jeans, only left in his boxers. Even looked at him mesmerized. God, he was beautiful. Baz hopped on Isak and began to burrow his spot right next to him. Even couldn’t help but laugh at his pup. Was everyone drawn to Isak the same way he was? It wouldn’t surprise him, Isak was quite captivating.

 

He didn’t notice he had just been standing beside his bed in some sort of trance until Isak coughed,

“Are you just gonna stand there and be some weird voyeur or…”

 

Even shook his head, removing his jeans, only wearing his boxers and t-shirt. He climbed into bed and flicked the light off on his nightstand. Baz had finally settled, his head on Isak’s bare stomach. Even made out Isak’s figure in the darkness and drew his body closer towards the other boy.

 

He brought his hand up to cup the younger boy’s face. His mind was drawn back to the conversation that took place earlier, _parallel universes,_

“It… it makes me feel lonely. Kind of small, y’know?”

 

Isak turned his head, leaning into the touch, covering Even’s hand with his own, realizing what Even meant. He stayed quiet, waiting for Even to continue.

 

“It’s just—it makes everything else bigger. Like Newton’s Third Law, for every action, there’s an opposite reaction. Space being bigger, always expanding, it makes my role smaller. Insignificant in a way. Maybe in another universe, Shakespeare wasn’t an epic writer. Maybe Romeo and Juliet wasn’t the greatest love story to go down in history. Maybe we don’t ever meet. It’s, it’s like a dream,” he half-whispered.

 

Isak brushed back the loose strands of hair hanging over Even’s face,

“ _Dreamers often lie_.”

 

And that was it. He dragged Isak into a hungry kiss, trying to tell him something. He had only met this boy two days ago and he was enticed. He couldn’t get enough, his smell, his skin, his unruly golden curls. _My angel._ He was nearly on top of the boy when Baz let out a low growl, causing Even to pull back.

They both broke apart, chuckling,

“Guess this is as close as I'll be getting to you.”

 

Isak grabbed Even’s hand, intertwining their fingers,

“Guess so. You’ll just have to wait.”

 

Even could feel his semi-hard cock twitch at Isak’s words,

“I can wait.”

 

Isak gave Even a chaste kiss on the lips, bringing their foreheads together,

“Goodnight, Even.”

 

Even rubbed his nose against Isak’s,

“Goodnight, my angel.”

 

They drifted off to sleep within a matter of minutes, their breathing evening out as Baz snored softly on Isak’s belly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm obsessed with Journey and their space vibe! I love everything that isn't from my time, honestly, it's just wow! 
> 
> Also, a pup named Baz was inspired by a fic I read, I'm looking for the name but I can't find it. I'll look for it and give some creds later, but it was honestly such a sweet, cool idea!
> 
> I'm legit taking this fic one day at a time and it might be infuriating to some of you, and I'm sorry, maybe? I may or may not speed this along a bit, I'm honestly not entirely sure yet? 
> 
> Opinions, feedback, comments welcomed!


	7. Come What May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, an introduction  
> & a decision made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to upload this Monday, oops.
> 
> This chapter has a flashback to how Isak ended up working at Revenge and also mentions some of Isak's eating disorder.

Isak was woken up the next morning by a small wet tongue gliding across his face. Baz’ paws were digging into his chest and face as he started moving around excitedly. He sat up, grabbing Baz and setting him down on his lap. He began to rub the sleep out of his eyes, and noticed that Even was nowhere to be seen. Isak got up from the bed and put on one of Even’s hoodies, seeing as it was large enough to cover his thighs, because there was no way he was going to squeeze into his jeans right now.

 

Walking into the hallway, followed by an overly excited pup, he heard voices and clutter coming from the kitchen.

 

As he stood by the doorway in the kitchen, he was met with a head of black wavy locks hitting itself against the counter and Even’s laughter.

 

“Uh, hey.”

 

Even turned around, starting towards Isak,

“Good Morning,” cupping the younger boy’s face, giving him a chaste kiss.

 

“Ughhh. Don’t do that! Don’t be all cute and ew, can’t find it in myself to make fun of you right now,” said a groggy voice behind Even.

 

Even laughed turning to face Mikael,

“Maybe if you weren’t such a lightweight—”

The boy with unruly hair finally lifted his head from the counter, glaring at Even,

“Don’t you dare. I am not a lightweight, I was left to my own devices to a night filled with pretty boys and girls and alcoholic beverages everywhere I turned… and oh, you must be the _angel._ Even, be a dear and introduce us.”

 

Even rolled his eyes, smiling either way,

“Isak, this is my shit roommate, otherwise known as Mikael. Shit roommate, this is Isak.”

 

Mikael put a hand over his chest, feigning devastation,

“Even, you wound me. How dare you, introduce me to your boyfriend this way. I have been nothing less than a mother to you. No, don’t try to even apologize right now, I need time.”

 

Isak smiled at the interaction between the two roommates.

 

“I feel that performance was overplayed, overdramatic, over everything. It was perfect.”

 

Mikael got up from his stool to give a small bow, blowing kisses to his imaginary audience, thanking them _for this opportunity._

 

They laughed at the overdramatic dark haired boy. It only reminded Isak of Eskild, God how me missed living with Eskild, though he’d probably never admit to it.

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Mikael coming to stand in front of him,

“Since Even here doesn’t want to introduce us properly, I’m Mikael,” he held out his hand for Isak to take, which he did.

 

“Isak and may I say, your performance was absolutely stunning.”

 

Mikael smiled widely,

“I like this boy, Even. No, I love him. He appreciates my sense of drama and theater.”

 

Even rolled his eyes,

“I very much appreciate drama and theater. But what _you_ do, is not drama and theater, darling.”

 

Mikael scoffed, putting his arm around Isak,

“Excuse me, this lovely boy seems to think otherwise. Right, Isak?”

 

Isak smiled, nodding,

“Of course. Even you should be more appreciative of your roommate’s talents.”

 

Even’s eyes on Mikael’s arm around Isak didn’t go unnoticed by either boys. Even stepped closer, swatting Mikael’s arm away, pulling the younger boy towards him by his oversized hoodie. Isak raised his eyebrows at Even as he accepted the embrace Even was wrapping him in.

 

Isak was settled on Even’s front, his back against Even’s chest, as Baz sat at Isak’s feet,

“Yeah sure, once you’ve lived with him for a couple of years, his talents become commonalities.”

 

Isak giggled which caused Mikael to gasp,

“Isak, why must you wound me like this? I thought we had something going here? Even, I’m telling you right now, I’m not giving up Isak without a fight!” he raised his voice, prompting a loud stream of barks from Baz.

 

_It’s a fucking mad house._

They all break into a laughing fit, while Baz is solely focused on Isak’s well-being, sitting at his feet. Once they’ve calmed down, Mikael drags Isak to the counter because _Even’s making breakfast and he’s not gonna get anything done if you’re being all cute in front of him._

“So Isak, how is it you got into the line of work you’re in?”

Mikael inquired, ignoring Even’s death glare.

 

“Isak, you don’t have to answer that. Mikael’s always in other people’s business,”

Even said as he stirred a pan of eggs.

 

Isak smiled,

“No, it’s fine. I’m not _ashamed_ or _embarrassed_ by what I do for a living. I, uh, I left home when I was seventeen and lived with one of my best friends for a while, Jonas. I live with him and one of our other friends, Magnus. But, anyways, I was working shitty jobs at diners and cafes, but it didn’t cut it. I didn’t want to not pay rent even though Jonas kept saying it was fine; it just felt wrong. I went to Revenge with my friends one night because according to them, I needed to _get laid, like yesterday,”_ he laughed, memories of that night drifting in.

 

“ _Isak, come on! Lighten up, how are we more excited about going to a gay club than you are? Not that there’s anything wrong with gay clubs, it’s just you know, I’m not g—”_

_Isak groaned,_

_“Ughh, Magnus shut up! You guys wanted me out of the apartment, I’m out! You guys dressed me in tight clothes and refused to let me wear my snapback because apparently, that’s what I’m supposed to do if I want to get some? So, thank you, Magnus. I’m super excited, woo!”_

_Jonas shook his head, bumping his shoulder with Isak’s as the three of them walked down the sidewalk,_

_“Isak, tonight’s supposed to be fun. You need to get laid, man.”_

_“Yeah, dude. You need to get laid, like yesterday!”_

_Isak groaned, pushing Magnus, nearly prompting the other boy to fall over. Though he was skeptical about going out, walking into Revenge was like a dream. Lights and music, laughter and singing, pretty boys and alcohol. Isak felt comfortable here, he felt free somehow. He was so dazed he didn’t realize the hot pink wig standing in front of him until Magnus nudged his shoulder._

_“Welcome! Newcomers, hm? I would have remembered seeing your pretty face here before!”_

_Isak’s eyes widened at this guy’s straightforwardness,_

_“Um, yeah, we—it’s our first time here,” he said over the music._

_The man grinned,_

_“Come with me! I’ll show you boys the reigns of this place. I’m Eskild by the way.”_

_Eskild latched his arm in Isak’s and led them towards the bar._

_“So, you’re all at least eighteen, right?”_

_Isak’s eyes widened at the question. He bribed the bouncer to let him in because he was still seventeen._

_“Yeah, we’re all eighteen.”_

_Eskild grinned,_

_“Hm, you’re cute when you lie. Honey, it’s fine if you’re not eighteen. We’re all here to be free from the chains of society. We’re here to live and dance and be young forever! Now come on, take this and come dance with me!”_

_Isak turned around and saw that Magnus was talking to a group of girls sitting at the end of the bar._

_Jonas shook his head,_

_“Hey, you go have a good time, yeah? I have to make sure this one doesn’t get drunk off his face,” he motioned toward Magnus._

_Isak took the shot Eskild was offering and followed him towards the crowd of dancing bodies. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do once he got there. But once he saw Eskild start to jump and sway to the music, he followed suit. He looked up and saw flashing neon lights and began to feel the buzz. Everything moved slowly. His body felt light, he felt liberated, enlightened somehow._

_Before he knew it, his shirt had come off and he was dancing with his eyes closed. Guys began to gather around him, grabbing at his frame, sliding down his chest, grabbing his face. Then a pair of hands were swatting them away and pulling Isak away from the crowd towards the bar._

_“Woah, Baby Jesus, you might wanna slow down there.”_

_Isak shook his head,_

_“I—I just, I was just dancing—”_

_Eskild pushed Isak’s hair out of face,_

_“Honey, the way you dance, it should be a crime.”_

_Isak blushed as Eskild ran his hands through Isak’s curls,_

_“Have you ever considered dancing—like those boys,” he pointed to the boys on the tabletops._

_Isak felt uncomfortable at the suggestion,_

_“No, why would I?”_

_Eskild looked Isak square in the eye,_

_“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with dancing for a living. It’s actually quite a wonderful way of life; especially if you’re an amazing dancer,” he raised his eyebrows at Isak._

_Isak blinked, not knowing what to say._

_Eskild sighed,_

_“Baby Jesus, you’re an amazing dancer. This place keeps your secrets, and pays well. You get paid weekly, plus the tips. All the tips are yours! Come on, just think about it. Look, I must get back to work; if you make up your mind, come find me, I recruit the pretty dancers. Oh, baby, I never got your name?”_

_“Isak—I’m Isak.”_

_Eskild enwrapped Isak in a tight hug,_

_“Well, it was very lovely to meet you, Issy!”_

_He gave Isak a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing into the crowd._

_Isak went back the next day._

“So Eskild is the guy that gave me the _hurt him and you’ll feel my raft_ speech?”

Even said as he set plates down on the counter.

 

Isak scoffed,

“He gave you _the_ speech? God, I’m sorry if he made you uncomfortable. He’s made it his life’s purpose to find a _suitable husband_ for me,” he joked.

 

“I should probably give _you_ the speech too,”

Mikael spoke up as he began to clear his throat, preparing for _the_ speech.

 

Even waved his hand,

“No, not necessary. Now come on, I made breakfast, mother dearest.”

 

Mikael sat back down and began to ravish his food. Isak just stared at his plate, it was filled with eggs, slices of toast, sausage and bacon. He felt — _sick._

 

“Come on, man. If you don’t eat his food, he ends up crying,”

Mikael said between bites.

 

Even saw Isak’s unease and came closer,

“Are you okay? I was going to ask what you wanted but just decided to make everything we had. I could make something else or…”

 

Isak shook his head, forcing a smile,

“No, it’s fine. I just—I’m not hungry.”

 

Even furrowed his eyebrows,

“Isak, it’s ten in the morning and all you ate last night was some ice cream.”

 

Isak panicked, his eyes wavering,

“I just—I don’t eat early. You know—with my um, job and the time I sleep and all. I’m just not used to eating this early, sorry,” he lied.

 

Even’s confusion turned into understanding, making Isak feel horrible for lying,

“No, of course, I should have asked or something. Don’t apologize for that. Mikael can eat this, he can honestly eat anything,” he whispered the last part.

 

Isak laughed softly as he got off the stool he was mounted on to sit on the hardwood floor with Baz. The pup wasted no time, climbing into the boy’s lap. Even grabbed a plate and sat next to Mikael, never taking his eyes off Isak and his pup. This boy in his hoodie, a pair of boxers and mismatched socks. His burgundy hoodie made the boy look even smaller than what he already was. His curls all fluffy and falling over his face as he looked down at the now sleeping mutt.

 

Mikael nudged his shoulder,

“You look like a fucking creep, actually no, you look like an idiot _in love_. Stop or you’ll scare him away, I actually like him and would like for him to stick around,” he whispered.

 

Even nodded vaguely as Mikael spoke up,

“So, the mutt has taken a liking to you, huh? He despises everyone else that comes through here.”

 

Even’s eyes widened at Mikael’s words, _thanks Mikael, fucking fantastic._

Isak laughed as he continued stroking Baz’ fur,

“Guess there’s quite a lot of people that come through here, huh? I’m glad he likes me. Does that mean _I_ get to stay?”

 

Mikael’s mouth dropped open as Even chocked on his orange juice.

Isak began to laugh as he got up,

“I’m kidding! I'd have to bet invited, of course. Who do you take me for? I’m gonna go get dressed. I haven’t even checked my phone now that I think about it.”

 

Isak was walking down the hall, Baz following after him before Even was able to recover.

 

Mikael was tearing up from Even’s near death experience,

“Dude, fuck! I love him! We’re keeping him, he has to stay!”

 

Even was still recovering when he got up to clean the kitchen,

“Mikael, shut up! Help me clean so I can go drop him off.”

 

Mikael grinned, wiping his tears,

“He’s quite interesting. Usually _you’re_ the smooth one. He’s got something over you, he’s great… here, I’ll clean this, you go follow pretty boy.”

 

Even smiled back at Mikael as he headed down the hallway. He stopped when he heard Isak on the phone,

_“Chris, calm down…_  
_She’ll be fine…_  
_I’ll—I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?_  
_William and Eskild are there with you, okay…_  
_Calm down…_  
_I love you, I’ll be there in half an hour, okay?_  
_Bye.”_

Isak frantically dressed and was heading out when Even stopped him,

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

Isak breathed heavily,

“I—I have to go. Thanks for—for everything, it was great, I just really—I have to go.”

 

He tried brushing past Even only for Even to pull him into a hug,

“Isak, calm down. I’ll take you, where do you need to go?”

 

Isak pulled back, his voice shaky,

“The hospital—Chris’ mom. I—can we go now, please.”

 

Even’s heart clenched at Isak’s vulnerability,

“Of course. Come on, I’ll drive you.”

 

They left without saying a word to Mikael, Even motioning an _I’ll tell you later._ The car ride was silent, they only sound being the rain hitting the windshield as they drove. Even put a hand on Isak’s knee, trying to stop it from shaking. When they arrived to the hospital, Isak was desperately looking around for Chris. He was about to call him when he saw the head of black disheveled hair.

 

He ran towards him, hugging him tightly,

“How—how is she?”

 

Chris breathed in Isak’s scent, calming himself,

“Isak. Sh—she’s stable. She’s gonna be okay. She’s okay.”

 

He grabbed the younger boy’s face, kissing him deeply. They stood there in a strong embrace, prompting Even to stop in his tracks. 

 

Even stood by the entrance doors, not knowing what to do. He knew both boys had a past. Isak told him he loved him over the phone. They had a dynamic together.

 

Someone cleared their throat by him,

“So, I’ll take that last night went _well?”_

Even turned and smiled weakly at Eskild,

“Yeah. It was great, actually.” 

Eskild raised his eyebrows,

“Oh?” 

Even laughed softly,

“Not like that. We just—had a nice time. It was good and you know—now…” 

Eskild hummed in agreement,

“Look, I’m telling you this because I’m sure you want _more_ with Isak...They were together for about a year, but have been inseparable ever since. Chris loves Isak and Isak loves Chris. They’re going to hug and kiss and hang out, but it’s never anything more. They look after each other because they found each other when they needed someone the most,” he paused giving Even time to process. 

“If you really are _interested_ in Isak, you have to know he’s a package deal. Not only me, obviously, but his roommates, his job… _Chris._ I’m not trying to scare you away, but—are you going to be okay with that? Isak’s been through—a lot, to put it in simpler terms. He hasn’t been in a _serious_ relationship after Chris. But you’re here, he spent the night with you, just talking? _”_

Even nodded.

“Then he’s letting you _in._ He’s taking a chance on you by letting you be here. I know you both just met and maybe I’m intruding, but I just want you to know what taking this any further would mean. Are you ready for that?”

Even gave it thought. Was he ready for that? Seeing Isak with Chris—he ached to be able to hold Isak like that. He remembered the night he first saw him. Isak’s sarcastic sense of humor, the way he was able to make Even blush. The boy’s laugh, his smile, even his need to protect and care for Chris. He wanted it—all of it if it meant being with Isak.

 

_Come what may._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter will explain Chris' situation and what went down at the hospital; some background on Chris' past, in other words. 
> 
> I was gonna leave this chapter at a cliffhanger, but I just couldn't, ha. I hate cliffhangers, if I'm being honest. 
> 
> I'm almost done with the next chapter, but I'm gonna spend the next couple of days editing it (this chapter too, probably) and organizing this because I'm completely unorganized and was starting to slip up on the timeline and stuff. Again, I'm shit tbh.  
> See you Friday, maybe? 
> 
> Comments and feedback welcomed down below!


	8. Guardian Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospitals, illnesses,  
> & loads of flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a role, ha! I've updated three times this week, wtf. Who am I? 
> 
> So, this chapter has a couple of flashbacks.  
> -The first flashback is set about a year before Chris met Isak  
> -The second flashback is set about a year into Isak and Chris' relationship.  
> *involves Isak's eating disorder  
> -The second part of the second flashback happens a couple of months after the first part

_“Claudia Schistad? I’m her son, she was brought here—I got a call, where is she? Is she okay?!”_

_Chris was livid at this point. He was in the middle of fucking some nameless face when he got the call. He had no idea what the hell was going on. Only a ‘Are you relative to Claudia Schistad? She’s been brought in. We can’t say over the phone.” He hung up, throwing the boy his clothes, frantically getting himself dressed, and heading out without saying a word._

 

_“If you could take a seat, we’ll get—”_

_“No! She was brought in here and I don’t fucking know why! Where the fuck is she!?”_

_A doctor walked towards Chris, clearing his throat,_

_“You must be Christoffer,” he held out his hand. Chris didn’t take it,_

_“I’m Dr. Raegan, I’ll be taking care of your mother’s case. She’s been asking for you.”_

_“What—what the hell happened?”_

_Raegan sighed,_

_“She was brought in after falling down a flight of stairs. Luckily, there were people there to help her. She only has a sprained wrist and a slight crack in her arm. We brought her in and ran a few tests as procedure and a few things came up, so we ran more tests; blood, urine—”_

_Chris was way out of patience by this point,_

_“You ran tests, okay. I fucking get that, what came up?”_

_Raegan took a deep breath,_

_“We ran an MRI and found a tumor forming in the frontal lobe of her brain. Now, we’ve detected this fairly early, which is a good thing—”_

_Chris shook his head, tears threatening to spill,_

_“I’m sorry, a good thing? Finding this is a good thing? In what fucking way is this a good thing!”_

_His breathing was speeding up, his vision blurry._

_“Christoffer, finding this now gives us a better chance of getting rid of it. It’s a relatively small tumor, we could remove it with less probability of causing damage to any part of her brain.”_

_Chris felt his legs give out under him, he hit the tile floor with a thud._

_He woke up in a hospital bed, everything blinding white. Before he had a chance to get up and look around properly he heard his name being called from the bed next to him,_

_“Christoffer, honey. You’re awake.”_

_He could have cried then because he saw her. She dark hair up in a messy bun, her eyes had a glint of joy in them. She was connected to various IV’s and tubes, a heart monitor steadily sounding, and he remembered._

_A tumor forming in her frontal lobe._

_“Mamma.”_

_He got up from his bed and came closer to his mother’s bed, kissing her forehead as he sat in the chair next to her. He grabbed her hand, bringing it to his mouth, trying not to let his tears spill over._

_“My boy, are you okay? We could call Dr. Raegan, he said you fell and hit your head. Here, let me see,” she was turning his head, inspecting it._

_Chris let her. He let her hands run through his hair. Everything felt like some messed up dream and all he wanted to do was wake up. He leaned forward, laying his head on his mother’s lap as she continued to caress his hair. A few stray tears ran down his face._

_“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” she cooed._

_He couldn’t do anything but believe her. She was all he had in this fucked up world and the universe was threatening to take her away. His father fucked off when he was three, and everything was okay. His mother tried sitting him down and telling him about it, but he didn’t want to hear it. He knew. His father gave some bullshit excuse about not being ready for commitment, and everything was okay. His mother put up with his shitty teenage years and still put up with him now. She was lying in a hospital bed, taking care of him because he couldn’t handle the situation. But everything continued to be okay, right?_

_It wasn’t._

 

Isak still had Chris in a tight hug when he realized Even had followed him into the hospital. He completely forgot, but he couldn’t bring himself to care much. Chris wasn’t okay right now. That’s all that mattered right now.

 

He pulled back, cradling Chris' face,

“What happened?”

 

Chris sniffled,

“She—they found another one. She was watering the flowers outside when she passed out. Some guy walking down the sidewalk saw her and called an ambulance. Isak, I—she can’t do this shit anymore. They keep finding more fucking tumors! She’s already had two operations. I don’t know if she can keep doing this. Why the fuck is this happening to her? Why…”

 

The younger boy’s heart broke at the sight of Chris breaking down. Chris had always been the strong one, always kept his feelings to himself. He had only let Isak see this side of him, but now he was breaking down in a hospital waiting room, in front of William and Eskild. He’d do anything to take this pain away. Yeah, the universe was pretty fucked up.

 

“Chris, she’s strong and so are you. If anyone can go through this, it’s her. She’s going to be okay.”

 

Chris scoffed,

“Isak—you don’t know that. Even if she does make it through this, who’s to say she isn’t going to be back here in a couple of months? This is so fucked up. I—I can’t lose her, Isak.”

 

Isak readjusted his hold on Chris’ face, forcing him to meet his eyes,

“You’re both two of the strongest people I’ve ever met, she’ll make it and so will you. And if you can’t be strong right now, then I’ll be strong for you. I promised her I would.”

 

Chris huffed out a laugh, wiping his face,

“You promised her? When was this?”

 

Isak smiled,

“Last time we were here. You went to get her some water and left me with her before she went into the operating room. She made me promise that if she didn’t make it, I’d make sure you were okay. She made me promise to be your guardian angel in flesh while she was your guardian angel in spirit.”

 

Chris gave a sad smile,

“She _made_ you do that?”

 

Isak rolled his eyes playfully,

“No, she didn’t _make_ me. I’ll always be with you. I’ll always protect you from the _monsters lurking at night,_ remember?”

 

Chris finally smiled, a genuine smile that made his eyes shine brightly,

“She always loved you, you know? From the moment I told her about you. Then, when she met you, she was sure we’d get married. I think she spoke about you more than I did,” he laughed.

 

Isak smiled, bringing his hands down Chris’ shoulders, down his arms, grabbing his hands,

“She never gave me the _speech_ , now that I’m thinking about it.”

 

Chris tightened his grip on Isak’s hands,

“She gave _me_ the speech,” he chuckled.

 

Isak furrowed his eyebrows,

“She gave _you_ the speech? What—why?”

 

“She knew that I had never had anything serious with anyone before you. After she met you, she told me _not to mess up_ _the relationship with this angel._ Guess I let her down, huh?”

 

Isak’s smile faltered,

“Chris, we’ve talked about this. We both made the decision. It was for the best, remember? I love you, you love me—wait, you do love me, right?”

 

Chris rolled his eyes, kissing Isak softly,

“Of course I do. It’s quite hard _not_ to love you. I see there’s another member in the Isak fan club, huh?” he threw his head in Even’s direction, prompting Isak to turn around.

 

Apparently Eskild was introducing him to William, a smile on his face as he shook William’s hand.

 

“So, how was last night?”

 

Isak pushed Chris’ shoulder, drawing a laugh from the other boy,

“I told you we just grabbed something to eat.”

 

Chris hummed in response,

“He brought you, didn’t he? So, you stayed with him last night?”

 

“Yeah and there was _no_ sexual intercourse, if you must know. It was late and he asked me to stay, so I did. I cuddled with his dog and met his roommate this morning, no big deal.”

 

Chris raised him eyebrows, as they both kept their eyes on the interaction between the other boys,

“Hm. Seems serious to me.”

 

Isak turned his head to look at Chris properly,

“What are you on about?”

 

Chris cracked a smile,

“Pretty boy, you cuddled his dog. You met his roommate. You _didn’t_ have sex. He’s seen me hug you and kiss you yet, he’s standing right there. It’s _serious_.”

 

Isak turned his head towards Even, meeting eyes with the other boy,

“You think so?”

 

Even smiled at him.

 

“Yeah. I think so.”

 

The boys walked towards Isak and Chris cautiously, hoping not to interrupt them from anything. William gathered Chris in a tight hug, patting his back,

“Um—are you gonna stay here with her? Want me to go get you a change of clothes?”

 

They pulled apart,

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

William gave him one last pat on the shoulder before he headed out.

 

Chris turned his attention to Even, who was currently smiling dumbly at Isak,

“So, Ethan?”

 

Everyone turned to look at Chris, Isak nudging his shoulder giving him a questioning look,

“Even,” the blue eyed boy replied.

 

Chris nodded,

“Even. I hope I didn’t _interrupt_ anything this morning.”

 

Isak and Eskild gave Chris an annoyed look,

“Not at all,” Even said smiling.

“I was actually making Isak breakfast, which he ended up not eating anyways,” he joked.

 

Chris turned to Isak, making Isak shrink into himself,

“You didn’t eat breakfast?”

 

Isak swallowed hard, shrugging his shoulders,

“I wasn’t hungry,” he half whispered.

 

Even saw Isak’s unease but didn’t know why he was acting like this. Did he say something wrong? He couldn’t give it much thought as a doctor approached the group of boys.

 

Raegan was taking off his rubber gloves, removing his face mask,

“Christoffer, it’s nice to see you.”

 

Chris rolled his eyes, crossing his arms,

“Yeah, because these are great circumstances,” he spat out.

 

Raegan smiled,

“It’s always a pleasure with you… We successfully removed the tumor. We’re running scans to make sure the cancer hasn’t spread, but I’m fairly confident it hasn’t. You can come see her, she’s still unconscious, but I’m sure she’d want you there when she wakes up.”

 

Chris let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. He hugged Isak, pressing a kiss into the golden curls. He saw Even looking back at him over Isak's shoulder.

 

“Hey—Even?” he let go of Isak, placing a hand on Isak’s hip.

“Could you take pretty boy here to get some food? I’m sure he’s hungry by now.”

 

Isak lowered his gaze,

“Chris…”

 

“Can you do that, golden boy?” Chris said, ignoring Isak.

 

Even nodded cautiously.

 

Chris released Isak,

“Go have a lovely late breakfast with golden boy, okay?” his voice almost pleading.

 

Isak nodded, giving Chris a peck on the cheek before turning towards Even.

Even turned to look at Eskild who was watching them just as cautiously as Even,

“Eskild, do you want anything? We could bring something back?”

 

Eskild gave a small smile,

“I’m good, thank you, Even. I’ll stay here with Chris. Go on you two, have fun. Oh, Isak, honey, Jonas called, he hasn’t seen you in a while. He was a bit worried, call him, yeah? Maybe go see him? Actually, spend the night in the apartment you’re paying rent for?” he joked.

 

Isak’s lips turned up slightly,

“Yeah, thanks, Eskild. I’ll see you later. Uh—” he looked towards Chris who was filling out paperwork at the front desk. Eskild understood, he nodded, assuring Isak he’d look after him.

 

Once Isak and Even has left the hospital in search of food, Eskild walked towards Chris.

 

“Chris… you shouldn’t _force_ him to eat. He said he wasn’t hungry.”

 

Chris kept filling out the paper work,

“Eskild, he has to eat. He—we can’t let him go through this again.”

 

“Forcing him to go eat isn’t going to help now, is it? You sent him with Even. You knew he’d feel like he’d _have_ to eat with him. That’s a bit unfair, don’t you think?”

 

Chris looked up at Eskild,

"We can’t let him go through this again, Eskild. I—I can’t watch him go through that again.”

 

 

 

_Chris had never expected to be in a relationship, especially with a boy. A pretty, dancing, giggly boy that made his stomach hurt every time he saw him. Their relationship was different from what a usual, typical couple would be, obviously. Isak danced for a living. An emphasize of living. A couple of months into their relationship, Isak told Chris about his mother and why he left home at sixteen. He told the older boy about his deadbeat father and how he hasn’t seen his sister in nearly three years now._

_That same night, while they were lying in Chris’ bed, the dark-haired boy told Isak about his mother.  How she survived an operation to remove a tumor she had in her brain. They shared secrets and exchanged kisses. Neither boy had ever felt safer._

_They had been together for nearly a year when Chris noticed a shift in Isak’s behavior. The younger boy barely slept and rarely ate in front of Chris. He nearly fell off the bar dancing one night, prompting Chris to take Isak home to get some sleep. Chris watched over Isak, making sure that he actually slept. He made breakfast the next morning, making Isak eat some of the scrambled eggs._

_“I’m going to buy more milk from the store around the corner, you need anything?”_

_Isak shook his head, poking at his eggs._

_Chris kissed Isak’s forehead,_

_“I’ll be back in a bit. Eat that.”_

_He walked out the door, jogging down the stairs. But of course, he managed to forget his wallet and only realized it when he was almost at the convenience store. He turned around, jogging back to his apartment. He opened the door to his apartment and heard retching coming from down the hall. He quietly made his way through the apartment, stopping in front of the bathroom. Chris pushed the door open slightly to the sight of Isak huddled over the toilet. Chris watched as Isak pushed two fingers into his mouth, pushing to the point of gagging. Chris felt tears prickling in his eyes. How didn’t he see this before?_

_“Isak,” he mumbled._

_Isak turned around frantically as he wiped his mouth._

_“No,” he said as he got up abruptly, pushing past Chris, making his way out of the bathroom._

_Chris followed him,_

_“Isak, what—why are you doing that?”_

_Isak walked into Chris’ bedroom, looking for his shoes._

_“Where are my shoes? Have you seen my shoes?”_

_Chris felt sick. How had he not noticed what Isak was doing to himself? What kind of a boyfriend was he to not know? He was fucking mad, mad at himself, at the universe for doing all these shitty things to kindest of people._

_He walked over, grabbing Isak’s hands,_

_“Isak. Why?”_

_Then the golden-haired boy broke down. He sobbed into Chris’ shoulder, mumbling ‘I’m sorrys’ as Chris held him. They stayed like that, Chris holding a beautiful crying boy on his bedroom floor. Isak eventually fell asleep in Chris’ embrace. Chris looked down at the sleeping figure. He was beautiful with his porcelain skin, long eyelashes, those damn golden curls that completed his angelic complexion. He lifted Isak’s shirt up slightly and saw the ridges of his ribs outlined through his pale skin. His hipbones poking out sharply over his briefs. How the fuck didn’t he know? He got up slowly, placing the boy on his bed, covering his fragile body._

_He left Isak to sleep as he headed out into the living room to call Eskild._

_“Eskild, he—he was making himself throw up. He hasn’t been sleeping or eating well for a while now. I didn’t think anything of it because he’d always brush it off and tell me he was fine. Damnit, I should have paid more attention. I—”_

_“Chris, honey, slow down. He was hiding this from everyone, there’s no way you could have known. Look, I’ll coming over, okay? We’ll see what we can do to help him.”_

_Eskild and Chris talked about Isak’s behavior and changes they noticed. He obviously wasn’t getting enough sleep. He didn’t eat and when he did, he ate little portions. Chris began to recall a lot of things Isak was and wasn’t doing now. Isak always had on some sort of hoodie, almost never let himself be naked in front of Chris. They rarely had sex and when they did, Isak made sure the lights were off. Chris couldn’t stop the guilt from eating at him._

_But this wasn’t about him. This was about Isak. His Isak. He had to find a way to help him._

_Chris spoke to Isak about getting help. Professional help. But ultimately, let Isak decide what he wanted to do. Isak kissed him softly and nodded his head._

_The went to a clinic the next day. They set up appointments with a psychiatrist and a nutritionist. They both went to the sessions together, though most of the time, Chris would wait outside when Isak was speaking to the psychiatrist. Isak never told him why he was making himself do what he had done and Chris didn’t pressure him. Chris learned to take things slow, easing Isak into a ‘normal’ life style._

_Slowly but surely, Isak was starting to eat again. Chris made him stop working for a couple of months so Isak could get his sleeping schedule back on track. Isak moved in with Chris, though most of his things stayed at Jonas’ apartment. All of their friends came together and supported Isak through it all. Damn, was he grateful for Jonas and even Magnus. They never pressured him into eating, only asked that he told them if anything was off. Everything was okay again. He felt the support from his friends and Chris. He loved Chris even more for being patient with him._

_When everything had settled and things were great—everything went to shit. Chris got a phone call while he was working his shift at Revenge. His mother was in the hospital. He was too damn emotional to drive so William drove him. When they got to the hospital, it was all a blur just like the first time. His mother was being prepped for operation because of a growing tumor in her brain, yet again._

_Isak arrived moments later, pulling Chris into a hug telling him he loved him and that he was sorry. His mother was still awake when they walked into her room. She smiled at them, holding out her hands, pleading them to come forward. Chris kissed her hand and she told him everything was going to be okay. She asked him for a glass of water and some of Isak’s favorite gummi bears._

_When Chris left, Claudia tightened her grip on Isak’s hand, smiling at him fondly,_

_“You know, he’s never been serious about anyone. Ever. So, the day he comes home to tell me about this boy at work, I knew you were something special. You’re good for him.”_

_Isak smiled._

_“Can I ask something of you?” she asked._

_Isak nodded._

_“Promise you’ll look after him. If anything happens—I know he seems all tough, which he is. He’s always been tough, but he’s also very caring. You should probably know that by now,” she chuckled._

_“Promise you’ll look after him,” she repeated as she ran her hand through Isak’s hair._

_“You can be his guardian angel in flesh and I’ll be his guardian angel in spirit. We’ll protect him, you and me. Promise me.”_

_Isak’s eyes were filling with tears,_

_“Of course. We’ll protect him. You and me.”_

_They were both Chris’ guardian angels in flesh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kind of had to cut it off there because it's like +3k words?
> 
> The majority of this consisted of flashbacks because I needed to set the scene for the next chapter.
> 
>  Also, I'm writing this fic in Microsoft Word and when I copy and paste it here, the spacing is all weird and it makes it a hell of a lot more spaced out, like tf.
> 
> I'm gonna clarify the timeline a bit just because:  
> -Isak left home when he was sixteen  
> -He started working as a dancer when he was seventeen (a bit illegal, but whatevs)  
> -He started dating Chris when he was seventeen, they broke up when Isak was nineteen (dating for approx. two years)  
> -Isak is twenty rn & Chris and Even are about two years older than him.  
> -Chris' mom has gone through this procedure three times now. 
> 
> Opinions and feedback always welcomed! 
> 
> Also, I'm posting this at 5 in the morning? What am I?


	9. Better Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miscommunications and more decisions made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know we're probably all obsessed with the opening of episode one! I love that Sana is lead, and I can't wait to see what's in store this season!
> 
> With that out of the way, I'm continuing this story, though I'm not sure how many people will keep reading it with all this Skam excitement.
> 
> There's more talk about Isak's mom and her illness.
> 
> I'm also posting this at five in the morning, so mistakes are guaranteed! I'll maybe edit later?

Even sat across from Isak, watching as he ate his food tentatively. He was unsure of many things. He wanted to ask Isak a dozen questions, but couldn’t find it in himself to demand answers. He’d wait. If things with Isak were going to go any further, the younger boy would tell him more about himself when he felt it was right. He was going to let Isak take the steps he needed to move their _relationship_ along. Was it even a relationship? What the hell would you call _this?_ His mind wondered back to Chris. The way their relationship was so casual. It was _natural._ They fit well together and Even wanted that. He wanted to fit with Isak.

_A package deal._

_Are you ready for that?_

_Come what may._

“Stop staring at me,” Isak groaned between bites of a pastry.

 

Even shook his head, ridding himself of his thoughts,

“Sorry.”

 

Isak frowned,

“Look, Chris is an asshole, okay? You didn’t have to bring me to get food. I’m sure you have better things to do today.”

 

Even shook his head frantically,

“No, no. It’s not that—I’m not upset that Chris asked me buy you food. I’m just—thinking.”

 

Isak relaxed a bit,

“What’re you thinking about?”

 

Even feigned a smile,

“Just—Baz. I left him in the company of a man with a hangover,” he laughed.

 

Isak looked at him skeptically,

“Hm.”

 

Even swallowed, plastic smile in place.

 

“What did Eskild tell you?”

 

Even laughed nervously,

“What?”

 

Isak raised his eyebrows,

“Eskild. He told you something and now you’re all—strange.”

“What? Stranger than usual, you mean?”

 

Isak rolled his eyes,

“Even.”

 

Even sighed,

“He just. He clarified your _relationship_ with Chris.”

 

Isak blinked, waiting for him to continue.

 

“You two were together for a couple of years, you broke up, you’ve been inseparable ever since. He loves you, you _love_ him.”

 

Isak nodded slowly.

 

“Isak, I just—fuck. Can I be honest with you?”

 

Isak knew it was coming. The inevitable _thing_ that always happened. The _well, you see the thing is, I’m not ready for a relationship._ The _I’m not looking for anything serious._ There was always a _thing._ He nodded his head either way.

 

“I only met you two days ago, but I feel like I’ve known you for years. I love being with you and being able to look at you and kiss you and hug you. I love that Baz loves you. Fuck, I even love that Mikael loves you. I understand your relationship with Chris, and I would never ask you to _not_ love him. You’re both special to each other. Why that is or how it happened, I don’t know and I’m not going to ask you to tell me. You can tell me or not, I’m completely okay with that. In these two days I’ve spent with you, I’ve realized that I’d do anything for you. I want to be with you, if that’s what you want too. This isn’t some ultimatum. It’s me just telling you what I feel.”

 

He breathed, looking at Isak.

 

“Just think about it, okay? I don’t want to pressure you into anything or—”

 

Isak’s phone rang from its place on the table, Chris’ name in bright illuminating letters. Isak gave Even an apologetic look as he answered his phone.

 

“Hey, is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s asking for you, actually. So, um, can you come?”

Isak looked up at Even.

 

“Yeah, yeah, um—I’m bringing Even.”

 

He didn’t miss the slight twitch on Even’s lips, turning into a small smile.

 

“Cool. I’ll see you here.”

 

Isak put his phone down, not taking his eyes off Even’s.

“That’s okay, right? You’ll come back to the hospital with me?”

 

Even smiled wider,

“Yes. Of course, whatever you need.”

 

Isak returned his smile, standing up as he grabbed Even’s hand,

“Let’s got then.”

 

They were walking back towards the hospital, hand in hand when Isak spoke,

“Claudia, Chris’ mom, she’s always been like a mother to me. When Chris and I were together, Chris would go visit her and come back groaning about his mother wanting to meet me. It was—weird, ya know. He told her I worked at the club he worked at and clarified that I was a dancer, and she still wanted to meet me. I mean, I’m some stripper in a club Chris works at, why the hell would she want to meet me?”

 

Even was about to interject, tell him he wasn’t _some stripper,_ but decided against it, letting Isak continue. He opted for holding Isak’s hand a little tighter.

 

“The day I met her was probably one of the best days of my life. Chris and I had been together for a couple of months and he told me his mother was making dinner and there were no excuses for not being there. If we didn’t go and she didn’t meet me that day, she’d ambush me somewhere, come to his apartment and tie me down to eat dinner with her and finally meet her if she had to,” he laughed.

 

Even smiled too. They kept swaying down the sidewalk, hands intertwined swinging back and forth a bit.

 

“So, we went. We got to his mother’s house and I was damn nervous. I didn’t know what she’d think of me and was afraid everything Chris probably said about me wouldn’t meet her expectations. He kissed me and managed to calm me down before walking into the house. I’ll never forget the moment I saw her. We walked in to the sound of the smoke detector going off and then I saw her. She was in the kitchen frantically waving around a dishcloth to get rid of all the smoke in the house. Her hair was all over the place, her apron stained and wrinkled, her face flushed red, God,” he chuckled, throwing his head back.

 

“I spotted a blunt on the counter and smiled as Chris frantically ran to her, asking her what the hell had happened and she started laughing. Chris was so fucking confused and I just laughed with her because _how could I not_. It was contagious as hell. Once Chris managed to turn off the smoke detector and help waft out all the smoke, she looked at me and smiled. Like, the most genuine, kindest smile I’d ever seen.”

 

_“You must be Isak,” she put her arms around the boy, wrapping him into a tight hug._

_“I’ve heard so much about you! Uh—I’m sorry about all this. You don’t mind smoke or anything, do you?”_

_Isak shook his head, smiling at her._

_“Good. Chris pass me that lighter over there,” she said grabbing the half gone blunt on the table._

_“Mom.”_

_She gave him a stern look,_

_“Christoffer, pass me the lighter. I’m grown, I know what I’m doing.”_

_Chris walked across the kitchen and grabbed the lighter, walking back to hand it to her. She lighted the blunt, taking a long inhale and passing it to Isak._

_“You know, I don’t encourage drug use, but something tells me you are just as nervous as I am about meeting you,” she chuckled, exhaling smoothly._

_Isak took his turn and passed it to Chris only for Claudia to swat his hand,_

_“No, Christoffer. You don’t smoke in my house.”_

_Chris rolled his eyes,_

_“What the fuck? You nearly burned it down! How come Isak gets to smoke?”_

_She grabbed the blunt from Isak’s hand,_

_“Isak is a guest. Actually, no. he’s my son now, so you’re right. Isak, no more smoking. I’m not going to have my children smoking under my roof. I will not be your enabler,” with that, she put out the spliff and wiped her hands on her apron._

_“Chris, you also might want to order pizza. I sort of burned our dinner.”_

_While Chris huffed, and went to call the pizza place a couple of blocks away, Claudia sat down in a stool on the breakfast bar. She patted the seat next to her, encouraging Isak to sit there. She began to tell him about how she had gotten home and started making dinner for them. How she was so damn nervous Isak might not like her so she lit a blunt to relax a bit. Then she’d completely forgotten about the dinner she had put in the over and everything went to shit. They laughed and Isak loved her._

_“I was afraid that maybe the reason you didn’t want to meet me was because you probably already didn’t like me. Chris told me about your—family situation,” she saw Isak stiffen at the words._

_“I’m sorry, I just thought—I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”_

_Chris had finished ordering the pizza and stood at the threshold watching the interaction between his mother and Isak._

_Isak cleared his throat,_

_“No, it—it’s fine. I just didn’t know he told you.”_

_She gave him a small smile,_

_“That’s the first time you’ve said anything all night. Thought maybe you were mute,” she joked, dragging a laugh out of Isak._

_“Look,” she grabbed Isak’s hand, rubbing her thumb over his hand,_

_“I won’t make you talk about it. I just want you to know that you’ve got a family here. I know your mother has—issues, but who doesn’t. I’m not trying to replace her or anything but I’d like for you to think of me as your mother too.”_

_Isak couldn’t help but doubt her words. Everyone he’s ever loved or cared for usually left. He was sure Chris was going to leave at some point. It was always there, in the back of his mind. They always leave._

_He looked at her,_

_“But, you don’t know me. I know Chris has told you about me, but why are you taking me in as one of your own?” he dropped his gaze, studying their hands instead._

_Chris thought maybe it was time for him to walk in and stop this. Isak looked uncomfortable and tense, but then his mother spoke._

_She put a hand under Isak’s chin, making him look at her,_

_“Isak, dear, you’re one of us. The day Chris came home to tell me about this boy at work. That day, you became a part of this family. You make him a better person. We’ve been through a lot and he’s always been strong, for the both of us. Sometimes I blamed myself for him not being able to settle down with someone. Then he met you and I’ve never seen him happier. Honey, I want to get to know you if you’d let me. But I’m telling you that you’re already a son to me, okay?”_

_Isak had tears threatening to spillover. Claudia smiled fondly at him and pulled him into another tight hug. She caught a glimpse at Chris standing in the doorway. She smiled, wiping away a stray tear as she ran her hands through Isak’s hair._

_They spent the rest of the night sharing stories (mostly embarrassing ones about Chris as a child) and eating pizza. They all went to the living room and watched a couple of films. Isak was laying across Chris’ chest as Chris played with his hair. Claudia was sitting on the opposite couch watching as they slowly drifted to sleep. Once they’d completely dozed off, she got up to put a blanket over them and kissed them goodnight._

_Yeah, this was family._

Even watched Isak smile as he leaned in to kiss the older boy’s cheek,

“Claudia has been through a lot. A couple of years ago, they found a tumor in her brain. The removed it and then it happened last year, and now it’s happening again,” he sighed.

 

“She encouraged me to visit my mom more often. She’s been there for me and Chris so much and I just don’t know what we’d do without her.”

 

Even saw Isak’s face gloom over,

“Your mom? Whe—where is she?”

 

Isak looked down,

“She’s in a mental institution.”

 

Even immediately tensed, hoping Isak didn’t notice,

“She’s—not well. It was hard, living with her. My dad couldn’t deal with her shit, so he left after she had this pretty bad episode. I was twelve when he left me with her. I did my best to take care of her, to help her through her bad times. Then one day, I didn’t notice her leave the house. She ran through the streets and was taken into a hospital. They called my dad and he decided to put her in one of those _places_. I moved out after that. I would visit her at first, but then it was hard to see her there. I’d go see her a couple of times a month. It’s really difficult, seeing her like that.”

 

He turned to look at Even,

“Sorry if this is too much. I just thought maybe you’d want to know more about me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” he whispered.

 

Even immediately snapped out of his thoughts, squeezing his hold on Isak’s hand,

“No, I’m glad you told me. Come on, we’re here.”

 

They walked into the hospital and spotted Eskild in the waiting room.

 

“Baby Jesus, Chris is in there with her. You should go in, Claudia has been asking for you nonstop,” he laughed.

“Meanwhile, Even could keep me company.”

 

Isak pulled Even into a hug, pulling away a little to capture Even’s lips with his own. Even responded immediately, cradling Isak’s head, deepening the kiss. He felt Isak smile against his lips.

Isak pulled back, caressing Even’s face,

“I’ll see you in a bit, yeah? We’ll go _rescue_ Baz afterwards,” he chuckled as he headed into Claudia’s room.

 

“So—how was the _late breakfast?”_

 

Even allowed himself to smile,

“It was good. He told me about his mom.”

 

Eskild raised his eyebrows,

“He did?”

 

Even nodded.

 

Eskild hummed,

“She was a very difficult part of his life. She’s nice, sweet. I’ve gone with him to visit her. He loves her, but sometimes I think he resents her or his father, mostly. It shouldn’t have been his job to care for her, especially at such a young age. I’m just glad he’s happy now. Isak deserves all the happiness in the world.”

 

Even felt himself deflate. Isak _did_ deserve all the happiness in the world. He shouldn’t have to deal with another unstable mind. He deserved to be looked after, taken care of. He wasn’t going to get that with Even.

 

He cleared his throat, blinking away the tears threatening to fall,

“I forgot I had to help my mom do something today. Can—or can you give me Isak’s number? I’ll text him and tell him I had to go.”

 

Eskild nodded, putting Isak’s number in the phone Even was handing him.

 

 

 

 

“Isak, honey, where have you been? I’ve been asking everyone for you. I was beginning to worry.”

 

Chris rolled his eyes fondly at his mother,

“I told you he was getting lunch with a friend.”

 

Claudia scoffed,

“Well he still could have called. And who’s this _friend_? Do we need to have _the_ talk with this _friend?”_

Isak smiled at her,

“No, we don’t need to have a _talk_ with him.”

 

She eyes him skeptically,

“Well, I’d at least like to meet him.”

 

Chris scoffed and began an argument with her about boundaries and asking why she insisted on meeting everyone, either boy has ever had an interaction with. Isak was about to stop their little argument when his phone chimed, indicating a text message.

 

 

_Unknown Number_

_(05:38 PM)_

_Hey, it’s Even. I asked Eskild for your number. I forgot I had something I had to do. About what we talked about at the café, I think maybe we’re taking things a bit too fast. Maybe we’re better off as friends right now. I’m sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the angst because balance is key! Omg, sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and feedback are welcomed down below!


	10. You're Hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of talks from some very wise people.  
> Crude realities because certain characters need to be awoken, ha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to roll out these updates because not many people are posting fics right now. So here's the second update this week.
> 
> & let me be real for a second. This is my first fic ever. That being said, I am so fucking unorganized and there are some small details that I've been leaving out and now I find them pretty critical for certain parts of the story. So, let's clear some up,
> 
> -Chapter one happened on a Friday night  
> -This chapter is happening on a Sunday 
> 
> So, it has literally been three days in ten chapters. Yeah, makes total sense. Bear with me omg.

Isak blinked at the text message. He tried his best to keep his composure but it hurt. It was like a punch to the gut, knocking all the air out of his lungs. He thought back to everything Even had said at the café. So, it was all some fucked up lie? Was Even just stringing him along? Was all of this just too much for him to deal with? What the hell did he do wrong?

 

“Isak…”

 

Isak turned his looked up from his phone to find Chris and Claudia staring at him with dumbfounded looks. It finally registered that hot tears wear streaming down his face. _When the fuck did I start crying?_ He frantically wiped his face and put his phone in his pocket.

 

“Isak, what happened,” Chris said with concern as he walked towards Isak.

 

Isak scoffed, sniffling,

“What? Nothing, I’m fine.”

 

“Chris, could you go get me some water?”

 

Chris turned to look at his mother, catching the hint she was giving him,

“Yeah. I’ll be right back, pretty boy.” He pecked Isak on the cheek, squeezing his hand for reassurance. Once he’d left the room, Claudia raised her hands towards Isak, ushering him forward. He walked towards her bed and sat in the chair right next to her, taking her hands in his own.

 

“Honey, what happened?”

 

Isak sniffled, managing a sad smile,

“Uh, my _friend_ , he doesn’t really want to be my _friend_ anymore, I guess. Which it was stupid to think he’d want to be with me, ya know? With all the shit, I come with. Just glad he realized it before anything else happened.”

 

Claudia caressed the young boy’s face,

“What did he say?”

 

Isak wiped away the stray tears running down his face,

“He said we were going _too fast_. That maybe we’d be _better off as friends_. I just—I don’t understand. I went home with him yesterday and we talked. We just talked and I met his dog and his roommate and he made me breakfast this morning. I couldn’t even fucking eat it but he still went out of his way to make me feel comfortable. He took me out to lunch and he told me he understood my relationship with Chris. He said he wanted to be with me if that’s what I wanted too. Then Chris called before I could respond to what he said and when we were walking back, I told him about you and about… mamma.”

 

Isak gave it thought. That must have been it. Once he mentioned his mother, Even must have gotten overwhelmed or just thought that Isak was too fucked up to deal with. Maybe mentioning Claudia and talking about his relationship with Chris wasn’t something Even wanted. Then what the fuck was all the bullshit about understanding and knowing how important Chris was to him? Isak felt overwhelmed with so many emotions. He was mad at Even for leaving, but he missed already missed him. Maybe he wouldn’t ever see the older boy again.

 

“You think he left because of your mother?” she kept stroking his hair attempting to comfort him.

 

Isak leaned into the touch,

“What else could it be? Actually, what _couldn’t_ it be? Everything about my life is so fucked. My job and my family, he probably already figured out my fucked up eating habits. He probably didn’t want to deal with all my shit. I don’t blame him,” the last sentence a mere whisper.

 

Claudia was lost for words “Isak, baby…”

 

Isak stood up abruptly, wiping his face,

“I’m—I think I’m gonna go. I should probably stop by my apartment. I haven’t been there in a couple of weeks. I’m surprised Jonas hasn’t filed a missing person’s report,” he tried joking.

 

He kissed Claudia’s forehead and was heading for the door when she spoke,

“Isak.”

 

The stern tone in her voice was enough to make him turn around as he lingered near the doorway,

“Maybe you should talk to him, to know for sure. And if he felt you would be better off as actual friends instead of _friends_ because of everything going on in your life, then he doesn’t deserve you. Your job and your family and even your _eating disorder_ are a part of who you are. You deserve someone who accepts that and every other part of you, no matter how _fucked up_ you think it may be. Now come here and give me a proper goodbye.”

 

She held her arms open, waiting for Isak to hug her, which he did.

“I love you, my pretty boy,” she whispered into his ear as she tightened her grip on the boy. Isak honestly didn’t know what he’d do without her. He hoped that he’d never have to find out. He stepped back, kissed her cheek and left. On his way out of the hospital, Chris stopped him, giving him a questioning look.

 

“Hey, where you goin’? I didn’t see golden boy in the waiting room. Are you guys meeting up or?”

 

Isak laughed half-heartedly,

“I’m going to visit my apartment for a couple of days. Go see how Jonas and Magnus are managing life without me.”

 

Chris nodded slowly.

 

“Uh, and _golden boy_. Don’t think we’ll be seeing him anymore so…”

 

Chris raised his eyebrows,

“What? Why not, I thought—”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll see you later,” he leaned over and kissed Chris before heading out of the hospital.

 

Chris considered going after him but decided against it. He’d give him time. Meanwhile, he’d have time to find out what the fuck happened with fucking _golden boy._

As Even opened the door to his apartment, he was greeted with Baz sniffing him all over, searching around, clearly looking for someone who wasn’t there with him. He toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket, only wanting to lock himself in his room and figure out a way to get the boy that’s been invading his every thought for the past three days out of his mind.

 

He was going to do just that when a groaning Mikael emerged from his room,

“Dude, Baz has been whining all damn day. He’s already attached to your boy,” he laughed.

“Where is he anyway? Did he finally get tired of you?” he joked.

 

Even sighed shakily, _don’t fucking cry,_

“He’s not _my boy._ He’s never going to be _my boy_.”

 

Mikael finally took the time to look at him. His best friend had been crying.

He stepped closer, putting a hand on Even’s shoulder,

“Hey, what happened?”

 

Even pulled away, walking towards his room, ready to shut the door. Of course, Mikael had followed him and pushed the door open before Even had a chance of closing it. He groaned and threw himself on his bed, Baz jumping up after him.

 

“Even, what the hell happened? Both of you were all smiles and kisses this morning, he gets a call, you both leave without saying a thing and you come back after crying and try shutting me out? What the fuck?”

 

Even groaned,

“Nothing, Mikael.”

 

Mikael crossed his arms as he leaned against Even’s door frame,

“Yeah, that’s not going to work. Try again.”

 

Even sighed as he stroked Baz’ fur,

“He got a call from Chris, his ex-boyfriend. His mom had this operation and he asked Isak to be there.”

 

Mikael nodded,

“You don’t like him being there for his ex?”

 

Even shook his head,

“It’s not that. I don’t care about that. One of Isak’s friends was at the hospital too. He told me about Isak’s relationship with Chris. They’re close because Isak has never had anyone to be close to.”

 

Mikael nodded, allowing Even continue.

 

“I took Isak out to lunch and I told him what I felt. After the conversation with Eskild, I wanted to make it clear that I wanted to be there for Isak too. I told him I’d give him time to think about it and it was good. He smiled and held my hand as we walked back to the hospital. Then when we were walking back, he told me about his family. He told me that his mom isn’t _well._ She had bad episodes and his dad left him with her when he was twelve. Twelve years old, Mikael. He took care of an unstable person for years and look at where he is. He’s dancing at some club and—”

 

Mikael stood up straight and squinted his eyes at Even,

“Wait, wait. _You_ left him because of his situation with his mom? Even, what the f—”

 

Even sat up abruptly,

“It’s not like that. He deserves better, Mikael, not another messed up person in his life. She was put in an institution by his father and he barely talks to her. It messed him up. I—I can’t do that to him. I _don’t_ want to do that to him.”

 

Mikael scoffed,

“Even, you _are_ doing it. You’re messing him up right now by doing this.”

 

Even furrowed his eyebrows,

“What the fuck are you talking about? I did this for him.”

 

Mikael rolled his eyes,

“Even, you can’t make decisions for him. You told him you wanted to be there for him, remember? Now what, you’re going to abandon him because you think he’d be _better off_? You’re fucking selfish.”

 

“How the fuck am I being selfish?”

 

Mikael stepped closer, raising his voice,

“You’re not doing this for him, you’re doing it for you. You didn’t even tell him you’re bipolar, right?”

 

Even avoided his gaze.

 

Mikael scoffed,

“Thought so. You’re scared he’ll reject you or no longer want you once you tell him, that’s why you left him. You left before he could leave you.”

 

Even laid back down, looking up at his ceiling.

 

Mikael sighed and sat at the foot of the bed,

“Even, what did you tell him?”

 

Even hesitated before pulling his phone out of his pocket, looking for the message and handing it to Mikael. The dark-haired boy took it, reading it over.

 

“Even, do you understand what you did by sending him this?”

 

Even shrugged,

“A favor.”

 

Mikael sighed heavily, containing his voice,

“Not even an hour before you sent him this, you told him you wanted to be with him. Not even half an hour before you sent him this, he told you about how his father left and how his mother was sick. Do you have any idea what he must be thinking right now?”

 

Even stared at the ceiling. It all clicked and _what the fuck did I just do._ Mikael saw Even’s face flood with realization.

 

“You can’t keep doing shit like this. You push people away without taking their feelings into consideration.”

 

Even exhaled slowly,

“I fucked up.”

 

Mikael huffed,

“Yeah, you kind of did.”

 

Even lifted his head to look at Mikael,

“What do I do to fix this?”

 

Mikael shrugged,

“Stop being a fucking idiot.”

 

Even rolled his eyes, kicking Mikael, earning a laugh from the other boy.

 

“Talk to him. In person. After you’ve told him everything, let _him_ decide what he wants.”

 

Even fiddled with his bed sheets,

“What if he decides he’d be better off without another sick person in his life?”

 

Mikael patted Even’s foot,

“Well you won’t know for sure unless you talk to him. If he decides he doesn’t want to be with you, that’s his loss. You may be a fucking idiot, but somehow, you’re quite a catch.”

 

Even smiled.

 

“Text him and tell him you want to talk. I bet he’s as miserable as you, if not worse.”

Mikael was handing him his phone expectantly. Even grabbed it and began typing out the text message. He handed it to Mikael, letting him read it and after getting an _okay_ nod from him, he pushed send before his mind began to overthink the situation. They both laid in Even’s bed waiting for a response in silence as Baz continued to whine for a curly blond headed boy’s return.

 

 

 

Isak was unlocking the door to his apartment when his phone pinged, notifying him of an incoming text message. He pulled out his phone as he opened the door. The moment he saw _Unknown Number,_ he shut off his phone, not wanting to see anything else Even had to say. He walked through the apartment after shutting the door.

 

“Magnus, did you buy the milk—”

Jonas walked out of the kitchen with a bowl in hand.

 

“Hey.”

 

Jonas smiled widely at the other boy,

“Isak! It’s been way too fucking long,” he hugged the other boy tightly, making Isak smile softly.

 

“Alright, Jonas! I can’t breathe!”

 

Jonas laughed as he let Isak go,

“Dude, I haven’t seen you in weeks. You barely text me to let me know that you’re alive somewhere. I end up having to ask Chris or Eskild.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes,

“Let’s not exaggerate.”

 

“So, what’s the special occasion? Why is it that you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence?”

 

Isak’s smile fell,

“I, um, can we talk. I just—I need someone to talk to.”

 

Jonas’ expression immediately turned serious as he nodded. They went to Isak’s room and Isak told him everything that had happened in the past three days. The night he met Even, Chris’ mom being in the hospital because of another fucking tumor, Even practically dumping him over a goddamn text message. He then pulled out his phone, and considered reading the text message.

 

_Unknown Number_

_(8:04 PM)_

_I’m sorry for saying all this through a message. I’d like to talk. In person. You don’t have to answer back right now. I’ll give you all the time that you need. –E_

He showed Jonas the text.

 

“Are you going to answer back?”

 

Isak shook his head,

“No. He tells me something this morning, then he decides against it. I don’t want to say _okay, let’s meet up for coffee and talk,_ only for him to change his mind an hour later. I’m just so fucking—mad. I’m so…”

 

“You’re hurting. You’re allowed to be. Just—give it time. Maybe you’ll change _your_ mind. If he sends another message taking back what he’s saying right now, then we block his number and egg his place. Simple.”

 

Isak laughed as he shoved Jonas lightly.

_Give it time._ If only it were that easy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, thanks to the people who are still sticking by this fic given the world's obsession with Skam right now. I'm probably just as obsessed because all these parallels and Sana being badass and the girl squad and Evak being cute as hell. It's all too much.
> 
> I'll continue updating. I'm hoping to post another chapter by Saturday? 
> 
> Again, I'm posting this at five in the morning, we probably know the drill by now. I'll revise later. 
> 
> Comments are always welcomed down below because I love reading them!  
> Thanks again!


	11. Time is Endless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week of waiting followed by a few unexpected meetings.  
> & Baz is my aesthetic tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post this on Saturday at five, soz.  
> I was gonna post this at five this morning, but I'm sleeping like a regular person now? What?
> 
> Also, the second half might be shit because I'm writing this in Microsoft Word and it crashed for some reason and deleted it and I was kind of pissed off. I couldn't remember exactly what I wrote but I flipping loved it and now it's gone so fml.

     Isak spent the rest of his Sunday night catching up with Jonas and teasing Magnus when the boy got home. They shared stories about the past couple of weeks over a few beers. It served as a distraction from the whirlwind romance Isak had experienced that weekend. When he finally went to bed that night, he found himself exhausted. He laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling, sleep unable to take its toll on the blond-haired boy. Every time he closed his eyes he saw a pair of blue eyes crinkled by a massive smile manifesting itself across the face of a boy he’d never be able to forget. He’d have to find a way to forget. He had no choice.

 

Needless to say, he didn’t get any sleep that night. He woke up the next morning to the sound of Jonas and Magnus arguing after sleeping a mere forty minutes. After plugging in his phone, he got up and padded into the kitchen in a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching his two roommates argue,

“Magnus, she’s a cashier. She’s supposed to be nice. We went over this yesterday.”

Jonas was holding a bowl of cereal as he stood in front of their kitchen sink. Magnus was sitting at the kitchen table with a frustrated look on his face. Isak would be lying if he said he didn’t miss this.

 

“Dude, you weren’t there. She asked me how my day was going and said she liked my hair. She likes my hair, Jonas! Doesn’t that mean something?”

 

“It means she likes your hair,” Jonas chuckled as Magnus groaned. Damn, how Isak’s missed this. He cleared his throat as he walked into the kitchen.

 

Jonas patted his shoulder, his chin pointing to the glass of orange juice on the counter.

Isak rolled his eyes,

“Chris called, didn’t he?”

 

Jonas huffed a laugh,

“No, he hasn’t. I’m just a great friend and want to make sure you get your daily vitamin c. You should be more grateful.”

 

The young boy laughed as he shoved Jonas, grabbing the glass of juice either way.

 

He took a sip as he settled in the spot next to Jonas by the sink,

“Is he still on about the cashier,” he pointed toward an irritated Magnus, eating a piece of toast almost angrily.

 

Jonas chuckled,

“Yeah. She’s his soulmate apparently.”

 

Magnus turned to them,

“You guys weren’t there! Next time we need groceries, you guys can come with me. You’ll see, she’s totally into me!”

 

Jonas nodded in agreement as he put his now empty bowl in the sink,

“Alright, I’m off. We can’t miss the tram to uni because of your _melodramatic_ love life.”

 

Magnus grumbled,

“It is not _melodramatic._ Isak, tell him,” he whined.

 

Isak smiled,

“Now, now children, go get your bags or you’ll be late,” he said in a mocking tone. They all shared a laugh before Jonas and Magnus began gathering their things for uni.

 

Magnus was already out the door yelling a _love you, mom_ to Isak.

 

Jonas gave Isak a hug, surprising the younger boy,

“You’ll be okay alone?”

 

Isak smiled,

“I’ll be fine, Jonas. I’m going to see Claudia at the hospital later. She’s supposed to be released this week so I might go spend a few days with her, take some of this off Chris’ back, ya know?”

 

Jonas nodded, pulling back,

“Sounds good. We at least got to see you for—a night,” he joked.

“Just text and let us know you’re alright. We’ll go visit you and the rest of the guys at work this weekend. Sound good?”

 

Isak nodded happily,

“Sounds good. Now go, before you’re late.”

 

Jonas waved goodbye as he walked out, closing the door behind him.

 

 

Isak took a long overdue shower and packed a bag with clean clothes, and was on a tram to the hospital. He just wanted to get through the week so he’d be able to dance into oblivion on a Friday night.

_Give it time?_

_Time is fucking endless._

Even hadn’t gotten a response from Isak and he didn’t know how to feel about it. He told the smaller boy to take as much time as he needed but time was fucking endless. He stayed awake the entire night waiting for something. A straight up _no_ or a _fuck off—_ anything. Somehow, not getting a single response was much worse. Even Baz didn’t sleep. The mutt kept whining and twisting and turning. Damn, this boy had taken a toll on everyone. He got up to take his pills and decided to take Baz out for a walk. He walked to the coffee shop that he’d taken Isak to yesterday. He tied Baz outside to go inside and quickly get a cup of coffee because God, did he need a fucking cup of coffee right now. To his luck, there were only two people ahead of him.

 

Right when he was about to order, he heard his pup bark loudly. A persistent bark that wouldn’t stop. Baz rarely barked, so for him to let out a stream of yelps and howls was fucking strange. Even excused himself from the cashier and went to the window and saw Baz tugging forward forcefully. Even turned to the object of Baz’s’ interest and saw what had caught the mutt’s attention. On the other side on the street was his golden-haired angel, staring back at him. He looked exactly how imagined Even looked himself, exhausted.

 

He was about to wave when Baz loosened his leash and sprinted across the street. Even stood frozen as he saw a car stop mere centimeters away from hitting his dog. Once Baz made across the street and in Isak’s arms, Even felt himself breathe again. He saw the same relieved expression on Isak’s face.

 

He sprinted out of the café and across the street until he reached his damn impulsive pup in the younger boy’s arms.

 

“Baz! You’re fucking—damnit Baz,” he reached down and hugged the dog’s small frame, earning a whine from the pup.

 

He caught Isak’s small smile when Baz licked his face.

“Isak, I’m so sorry. I was just in there for a few minutes and—”

 

Isak stood up from where he was crouched down,

“Even, it’s fine. He’s okay, we’re all okay. Calm down.”

 

_We’re all okay._

Baz wiggled himself out of Even’s embrace and sat at Isak’s feet. Both boys stared at each other without saying another word. This was Even’s chance,

“Listen, Isak—”

 

“I was on my way to the hospital to see Claudia. I can’t right now.”

 

Even nodded,

“Maybe after?”

 

Isak considered for a moment before ultimately deciding,

“Even, I—I need time. You said you’d give me time, right? Did you _actually_ mean that or?”

 

Even turned away filled with shame. It felt like a punch to the gut. Mikael was right. Isak thought Even didn’t mean anything he told Isak yesterday. _Yeah, I fucked up._

Even cleared his throat, looking up at Isak again,

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

 

Isak nodded, a tight-lipped smile on his face. His face didn’t have that light that Even loved. His eyes were slightly more closed that they usually were. The boy looked just as tired as Even, if not more. Even had done this to this bright boy. He did this to this boy that deserved the world. How does he manage to mess up everything he encounters?

 

“I’m gonna go.”

The boy crouched down and kissed the pup’s head, Baz licking his entire face in return. Even couldn’t fight off the smile manifesting itself on his lips. Isak grabbed Baz’ collar and held it out for Even to take. Their hands touched and Even felt goosebumps crawling up his arms. Isak was the first to pull back. He started walking down the sidewalk to the hospital and Even couldn’t help but feel a gleam of hope in the pit of his stomach.

_Time._

That’s how the rest of the week went. Even waiting and Isak holding himself back from texting him. All Isak wanted to do was hug him and kiss the life out of Even when he saw him. His subconscious managed to hold him back, reminding him that Even could change his mind yet again, and hurt him _yet again._ He made a pact to wait until after the weekend to contact Even. After a distraction and fun night at his job, he’d decide what to do.

 

Isak spent the week at the hospital by Claudia’s side. Chris was there with them most of the day but went to work at night. He’d go home, shower and sleep a couple of hours so he’d be able to wake up at nine and head back to the hospital with food for them all. He was glad Isak was keeping his mother company. The day Isak left the hospital with a sad expression telling Chris he _didn’t want to talk about it,_ Chris asked his mother what happened. She told him and Chris was fucking furious.

 

He was actually starting to consider _golden boy_ , then he pulls some fucked up stunt like that. The hell was his problem? He didn’t mention anything in front of Isak because his mother asked him to wait until Isak told him himself.

He didn’t.

 

 

The week went by painfully slow for both boys. But when Friday finally came, Isak felt excited for what the night would bring. Claudia was discharged on Wednesday and Isak hadn’t left her side that entire week. He had finally slept at Chris’ apartment after Claudia reassured him for the sixth time that she’d be fine.

 

_“Dear, I’ll be fine. I’m getting tired of you hovering over me like some child. Now go! Be young! Celebrate life! Dance until you can’t feel your limbs! Go!”_

_Isak laughed as he hugged her for the third time in the last fifteen minutes of his ‘okay, I’m leaving’_

_“Okay, okay. I love you.”_

_She smiled,_

_“I love you too. Now go, Christoffer is waiting for you.”_

_Isak was almost out the door when she spoke once more,_

_“And if you do call your friend, be honest with him and don’t be afraid to tell him how it is. If he hurts you again, he’ll be hearing from me. Am I making myself understood?”_

_Isak smiled widely,_

_“Yeah, I hear you.”_

Chris walked in on Isak deciding between jockstraps, which was quite interesting to watch. He stood at the door watching the young boy pull back the strap and readjust it for the tenth time. This boy was going to be the death of him.

 

“Alright, pretty boy, you have a great ass. No need to flaunt it around all the time.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes, throwing a jockstrap at Chris,

“I don’t know what to wear. After last week’s _incident_ , I don’t know if people are even gonna show up.”

 

Chris scoffed,

“Yeah, right. Everyone shows up for the precious, innocent-looking angel, _Issy._ There may even be more people showing up. Eskild convinced the boss to let people buy drinks at half the price until eleven. I’m pretty sure that’s going to draw a crowd. Only problem is that it’s more work for, protecting your pretty ass.”

 

Isak smiled as he went to hug Chris,

“You love being my knight in shining armor, saving me from all the monsters.”

 

Chris wrapped around the boy’s small frame. It still felt small and fragile, but it wasn’t as boney as it once was. It was progress.

“Yeah, I do. Now get dressed, Eskild texted, Magnus is chatting up the place.”

 

Isak let go and was about to pull on his jeans when Chris turned him around, having Isak face him again,

“I like that one. Pink is definitely your color, pretty boy,” he winked before walking out the room.

 

Isak laughed lightly as he started getting dressed.

 

 

“Even, are you literally gonna stay in your room all weekend?” Mikael asked Even for what seemed like the hundredth time that Friday night.

 

Even sighed,

“What am I supposed to do?”

 

Mikael smirked,

“There’s a special at Revenge. We should go.”

 

Even looked up from his notebook, where he’d had his face buried practically every day that week, drawing, writing,

“Mikael. He asked for time, so I’m giving him time.”

 

Mikael sat on Even’s bed,

“Dude, you _are_ giving him time. There’s nothing wrong with going to a club on a Friday night and maybe reminding the boy that you’ll wait.”

 

Even considered it. All he wanted to do was see Isak. Touch him, kiss him… love him. Maybe going wouldn’t be so bad.

“Fine, but if you get drunk off your ass, I’m not carrying you home. You’d think that you would have learned to control yourself by now.”

 

Mikael rolled his eyes,

“It was one time. Get over it. Get dressed! You have to look prettier than ever!” he shouted as he bounced out of Even’s room.

 

 

 

 

“Isak! There you are! Bro, we’ve been waiting for you for like—forever!” Magnus was practically tripping on air as he slung his arms around Isak. Drunk Magnus had his stages of drunkenness like any other person. Stage one: affectionate Magnus.

 

“Hey Mags,” Isak knew he had to return Magnus’ affection, otherwise he’d ensue Stage three: overly emotional Magnus, and no one was quite ready for that Magnus just yet.

 

“Bro, when are you gonna dance? I’m so pumped, like look at all these people! They’ve all come up to the bar to ask if _Issy’s_ gonna dance. Bro, they all love you, like so much. Maybe I should start dancing too! Would you dance with me?” Magnus began swaying side to side making Isak laugh at his friend.

 

“I’ll dance with you later, I promise. Go dance with Jonas in the meantime, okay?” Jonas smiled at Isak as he grabbed Magnus and sat him down at the bar. Isak made his way backstage and heard Chris talking on the phone in his dressing room

 

 

“Don’t fucking let him in..

I don’t want Isak to see him..

William, I fucking know what I’m doing..

I just don’t want him anywhere near Isak.

Thanks, I owe you.”

 

Chris turned around and saw Isak standing at the door. He froze on the spot once he saw Isak’s confused expression.

 

“Who don’t you want me to see?” there was accusation in the boy’s voice and Chris would be lying if he said it didn’t slightly intimidate him.

 

“Isak—”

 

“It’s Even. Claudia told you, didn’t she? Chris, what the fuck?”

 

Chris crossed the room to try and explain,

“Isak, I just don’t want him near you. He hurt you. I’m not gonna give him the chance to do it again.”

 

Isak scoffed,

“That’s not your call. You can’t just decide who I can or can’t see. You don’t even know what happened between us. You can’t keep controlling my life, Chris! We’re not together anymore!”

 

Chris’ heart clenched in his chest but he tried his best not to let it show in his face,

“Isak, I’m not trying to control you. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to feel pain if I can avoid it.”

 

Isak saw how small Chris seemed in that moment and his expression immediately softened. Chris had always done everything to avoid his pain. Like the time Isak’s father tried contacting Isak. Chris went straight up to his father’s home and told him to _stay the fuck away, he’s finally happy. Do you really want to ruin that by being a selfish prick and trying to ‘mend your relationship?’ Get the fuck over yourself and leave him alone._

The younger boy found out and didn’t speak to Chris for two weeks.

 

He sighed,

“Chris. I like him. He fucked up and he’s tried explaining but I haven’t exactly let him. I asked for time and he’s giving me just that. Let me decide if I want to see him or not.”

 

Chris looked up at the boy and nodded slowly.

 

“Now, can you go let him in? I’m taking main stage again. Don’t go off and buy weed while I’m up there, okay?” he tried joking only for Chris’ expression to stiffen.

 

He immediately grabbed Chris’ face and hugged him until Chris relaxed,

“I was kidding. I said it before and I’ll tell you as many times as I need to for you to believe me. I don’t blame you for what happened last week.”

 

Chris turned his head slightly to meet Isak’s lips. He needed reassurance and Isak gave it to him. Eskild decided that that was the right moment to barge in,

“Christoffer, William told me that you weren’t letting this boy in! He’s Isak’s future husband, the father of his unborn children! Why are you ruining this family?” both boys turned to look at Eskild and the tall figure looming behind him.

 

He looked beautiful. Isak smiled at Even who smiled shyly in return.

 

Isak let go of Chris and walked towards Even slowly,

“Hi.”

 

Even’s smiled widened,

“Hi.”

 

Eskild clapped his hands excitedly, grabbing Chris and looping his arm with the dark-haired boy,

“We’ll be leaving now. Come on, Christoffer.”

 

Before leaving Chris looked at Isak one last time, making sure he was alright. Isak nodded. They left closing the door behind them, leaving both boys staring at each other in silence.

 

Even cleared his throat,

“Mikael thought it’s be a good idea to come and see you. He’s been holding me back from texting you this entire week, reminding me that you asked for time. And I understand, why you want time—need time. It’s just that—time if fucking endless, Isak. All I want to do is hug you and kiss you and tell you everything. I could promise you that I’ll never hurt you, but that’s not the truth. What I can do is promise you that I’ll try my best not to hurt you. I freaked out when you told me about your mother being ill because…”

 

_I’m bipolar._

“You’ve been in pain before. You’ve been hurt and I didn’t want to be another person to add to that list. I ended up hurting you anyway and I’m sorry that you felt like I didn’t mean anything I said at the café that day. I meant every word of what I said. I want to be with you, if that’s what you want too. And I completely understand if you don—”

Isak closed the space between them and kissed Even the way he’s wanted to kiss him for the past week. His hands weaved through the taller boy’s hair and pulled him impossibly closer. Even’s hands found Isak’s hips and held him in place.

 

_I’ll tell him. Soon._

When they pulled back, they were both breathless, smiling widely at each other.

Isak laughed softly, as he threaded his fingers through Even's hair,

 

“Fuck time.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even being Even, trying to keep it real (somewhat).
> 
>  
> 
> Comments, as always, are welcomed down below! What are your thoughts on how things are going so far?


	12. Object of My Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even may have come to his senses?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was updating consistently and everything was going great and then bam! Final exams and due dates and applications and a bunch of real world bs no one wants to deal with.
> 
> Bear with me, it'll all be over in about three weeks, but until then, I'll be updating when I can. I'm hoping for weekends but I'm not sure just yet?
> 
> A bit short but I mean?

Even spent the rest of the night watching Isak from afar. It was just like the first time, only this time, he knew the name of that angelic face. He knew the story behind the boy’s figure. Only, the boy didn’t know who he was, not exactly. He should have told him before now. Before this moment of complete euphoria. Isak was swaying his hips, grinding up against the pole his hands were grasping onto tightly. His clean, porcelain skin glowing, illuminating the room. His face looking up, towards the bright neon lights above him, eyes closed like they always were when he danced. Even always wondered why that was. Where would his mind go when he closed his eyes?

Even realized that he wanted to know everything about Isak. Every single aspect that made the other boy who he was.

What kind of music made his soul vertebrate?

What did he want to be when he was younger?

How did he manage to have Baz love him the way the pup did?

Did he always look as soft in the morning like the morning he woke up in Even’s bed?

Would he love and let himself be loved by Even?

Sitting there, nursing a glass of coke, Even felt it. He had spent the past week in his apartment, moping around and now he was here. Bright lights and the _thump thump_ of the music making him tune everything else out. Just then, Mikael appeared by his side looking at him with a knowing look.

 

He cleared his throat,

“So, you seem… content? Did you get to talk to _the object of your affection_?” he joked as he took a sip from his beer.

 

Even avoided his gaze, eyes glued to Isak,

“ _The object of my affection,”_ he repeated.

 _“_ Yeah—we talked.”

 

Mikael looked at him and frustrated, ran a hand over his face,

“You didn’t tell him. Even, why are you doing this? He deserves to know. Did everything I told you a week ago not mean shit to you?”

 

Even sighed, finally meeting Mikael’s gaze,

“It’s not easy, Mikael. I don’t—I can’t lose him.”

 

Mikael put his beer down on the bar and leaned against it, propping his elbows up on it as he watched the curly-haired boy on stage.

 

“When I was with Sonja and you told me you didn’t like her, just like my parents, I thought that you were trying to control me. I didn’t see what Sonja was doing to me until I had lost everyone. Then you stopped talking to me and I convinced myself that it was because I was bipolar.”

 

Mikael was ready to interject, but Even shook his head and kept going.

 

“I know that’s not the truth. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I didn’t mean them, I was angry and stupid and I’m sorry. But, Mikael, I can’t put Isak through the same shit. I _can’t_ hurt him. What if I say something and hurt him like that? He hasn’t seen me fucking manic or when I’m so caught up in my depression. I don’t want him to see that. If I tell him I’m bipolar, he might just stay with me for that very reason. I don’t want him to stay because of that.”

 

Mikael sighed heavily as he turned to face Even properly,

“You keep creating these little scenarios in your head, convinced that this is all gonna go to shit. You can’t keep doing this to yourself and you can’t keep him in the dark either. Even, damnit—look at me,” he raised his voice, prompting Even to turn his face, meeting Mikael’s fixed look.

 

“ _Tell him_.”

 

Even blinked slowly, his eyelashes fluttering as he turned his head just in time to watch Isak walk off stage. And damnit, Mikael was right. He had to tell Isak. He was simply delaying the inevitable, and the more he prolonged the inevitable, the more anxious he got. He wanted his angel to know everything about him, but it wasn’t easy. Letting someone consume you, always under your skin, the boy’s figure engraved beneath Even’s eyelids. It was fucking terrifying. But he’d let it happen. He would give Isak all of himself, every part that made him who he was in order to keep the younger boy.

 

He must have been caught up in his thoughts for quite some time because Mikael was now nudging his shoulder, pointing his beer bottle towards the younger boy, who was making his way to the bar, curls ruffled and fluffy, his usual hoodie pulled over his small frame. A small smile playing on his lips as he met Even’s eyes.

 

“Hey.”

 

Even tried fighting off a smile. He lost.

“Hey, yourself.”

 

Isak smiled widely, shifting his attention to Mikael,

“Hey, Mikael.”

 

Mikael grinned,

“Hello, sweet, young, dearest angel. How are you on this fine evening?”

Isak laughed,

“I’m well and yourself?”

Mikael slung an arm around Isak, handing the boy his beer,

“My dearest Isak, I am absolutely marvelous! At least _someone_ takes the opportunity to ask me how I’m doing. If you weren’t with this one,” he pointed an accusing finger at Even,

“I would have already asked for your hand in marriage.”

 

Even scoffed, removing Mikael’s arm, pulling Isak into his chest, Isak’s back to Even’s chest, hugging him tightly,

“So sorry to disappoint Mikey, but I doubt he’d accept marriage with you, no offense.”

 

Mikael feigned offense,

“How dare you? He accepted my beer, did he not? He’s chosen me. We’ll run away together, you’ll see.”

 

Even looked down at Isak,

“So, you have?”

 

Isak shrugged, looking pointedly between Even and Mikael before rolling his eyes,

“I’m here for Baz. He loves me, I love him. Sorry to have sprung this on you like this, but I think it’s best. Will you take me to him?”

 

Even sighed in mock defeat,

“I’m a hopeless romantic, I could never keep two loving souls apart. Come on, I’ll take you to him.”

 

Isak smiled, shaking his head. He turned around in Even’s arms, cupping his face gently, kissing him softly. Even tightened his grip on Isak’s hips when he heard all the whistling and praise they got from all around them. When Isak pulled back, Even opened his eyes at the same time as his boy and everything fell into place. Isak was everything Even hoped to have in his life. Isak’s smile and green eyes are all Even ever needed.

 

When they both snapped out of their trance, Mikael was now joined by Jonas and an overly excited, _drunk_ Magnus.

“Bro! Oh, my god, this is Even? _The_ Even?!”

 

Isak nodded as Even smiled widely.

 

Magnus squealed as he leaped forward, throwing his arms around both boys,

“Isak, bro, I’m so happy for you!”

 

Even laughed as he wrapped his arms around Magnus, leaving Isak in the middle, being squished by both boys.

 

“Alright, Magnus, get off! I can’t breathe!” he was trying his best to shift out of the hug with no resolve.

 

Mikael and Jonas’ laugh could be heard from beside them and Isak couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. To his relief, Magnus finally lets go and stepped back, all wobbly and uncoordinated. Even pulled the younger boy in by the waist, keeping him in place as he placed a kiss in his curls.

 

“So, um this is Magnus, as you may have guessed,” Isak began the introductions because he was pretty sure Magnus was going to say something stupid if he was given the chance. Isak was _not_ going to give him the chance.

 

“And this is Jonas, my roommates. Jonas, this is Even, and this is Mikael, his roommate.”

 

Magnus looked up at Mikael with a sad expression,

“You live with Even? Dude, that must be so nice!  We—we never get to see our blondie,” he said almost in tears. And, oh, my god, ensuing stage three: emotional Magnus.

 

Isak rolled his eyes as he patted Magnus’ back,

“Mags—”

 

Magnus surprised Isak by hugging him tightly,

“Isak, please come home! You have to come see us like a lot more times, man. You can’t live with us and _not_ live with us! Don’t you like me?! No one ever likes me…” he ended with what sounded like a stifled sob and finished off with the waterworks. And, yeah, _thank you, Magnus, for reminding me of what a dick I am by not giving you the attention you so desperately need._

Jonas decided to _finally_ put an end to the shit show. He grabbed Magnus’ shoulders gently and pulled him off Isak, almost coddling him,

“Mags, he promised he’d come home more often, remember? He’ll come see us, okay? Now, come on, let’s get you home.”

 

Magnus now had his arms around Jonas’ neck, tears still streaming down his acne-scared face,

“Make him promise again.”

 

Jonas sighed turning to Isak,

“Isak, promise your _mother_ and I you’ll come see us.”

 

Isak laughed as he grabbed Magnus’ hand, lacing their pinkies together,

“I promise I’ll come home more often, okay. I never break my pinky promises.”

 

Magnus smiled as he tightened his pinky around Isak’s.

 

Jonas shook his head amused,

“Alright, he promised. Let’s go home now. It’s gonna be a blast waiting for the tram with you,” he said sarcastically.

 

Mikael nudged Jonas,

“I could give you guys a ride. I’m sure _blondies_ over here are gonna wanna be _alone_.”

Jonas laughed as Even shoved Mikael and Isak rolled his eyes,

“Yeah, man, thanks. You could crash at ours. We know how _clearly audible_ Isak can be. Come on, Mags.”

 

Isak reddened, burying his face in his free hand.

 

Magnus reluctantly lets go of Isak’s other hand and hugged an amused Even once more before being dragged off the exit by Jonas.

 

Mikael patted Even’s shoulder,

“So, your boy is _clearly audible_. You are too. I guess you two are made for each other. You have no choice but to _fight_ for him.”

 

Even slightly panicked as he felt Isak pull back to look at Mikael.

 

Mikael broke into a smile,

“I mean, Baz is great, but Isak. Even is an _amazing_ cook.”

 

Isak smiled widely as Even felt himself relax again.

 

“Now, I must disperse. You kiddos have fun.”

Mikael winked at both boys and made his way through the crowd, catching up with Jonas and Magnus.

 

 

Isak yawned and turned his body around in Even’s arms now face to face with him, a slight pout displayed on his thin, cupid-bowed lips,

“Can we go see Baz now?”

 

Even smiled down at the boy. His chest felt warm and it dispersed all over. He wanted _this._

All hopefully Isak did too.

 

“Yeah. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit short. Like the shortest, I've ever posted!  
> It's a gap filler in a way, just wait and see! I'll be uploading the next chapter tomorrow or later today at this point because guess what?  
> It's five in the morning on a Saturday! lml
> 
> Once I'm done with school (for a couple of months at least, literally) I'll be updating consistently. I've planned it all out and I know what I'm doing now, I think? So, there aren't that many chapters left. So, maybe I'll finish this story before summer begins? 
> 
> Also, I've commenced another story and will be receiving help from a beautiful, lovely soul I met thanks to this fic! Nothing is concrete yet, ideas are being developed but I'm already in love with it omg!
> 
> Any speculations of what the next chapter will bring?


	13. Say You Don't Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evak & an inconvenient puppy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's definitely Friday morning and I'm posting, woo! Finals have been brutal and I'm just so over it!
> 
> This fic is almost over omg. Chapters 12 & 13 have been somewhat short because I needed to create the stage for the next two chapters to come, which will be longer chapters that I will most likely post this weekend! I've already started writing a new fic and I'm just so fucking excited about it ugh! 
> 
> I'm way too pumped at 4:38 AM.

Isak could barely keep his eyes open as they walked through the dim lit streets to Even’s place. He barely slept that entire week (even less than before) and he was exhausted. Even had his arm splayed over the other boy’s shoulders, keeping him from falling over.

 

He yelped when Even suddenly picked him up, bridal style,

“Even! Put me down! What the fuck are you—”

 

Even laughed loudly, echoing through the empty streets,

“Isak! You’re walking so fucking slow! Besides, this moment was too good to pass up. It’s genius movie material!”

 

Isak squirmed, not bothering to roll his eyes, too worried Even would drop him,

“Even, you’re going to drop me!”

 

Even chuckled as he tightened his grip on the squirming boy,

“Baby, I’ve got you. We’re almost home anyway.”

 

Isak reluctantly gave up and simply tightened his arms around Even’s neck, making sure that if Even dropped him, the taller boy would _have_ to fall with him. They got to Even’s apartment complex and Isak expected Even to put him down to walk up the stairs. Only, Even didn’t. He readjusted his hold on Isak and began going up the stairs and Isak had to laugh. Even smiled at the boy because _damn, he’s fucking beautiful._

“Could you grab my keys from my pocket and unlock the door?”

 

Isak sighed, trying to leap out of Even’s arms with no resolve,

“Even just put me down. We’re here. I’m sure I can make it through the door on my own.”

 

Even groaned, hoisting Isak up,

“Isak, we have to do this. There’s no other way we’re going stepping in my apartment if it’s not with you in my arms. Please.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes at Even’s dramatics. He dug in Even’s jean jacket pocket and pulled out the keys, and maneuvered his body to unlock the door. They were immediately greeted by an over-excited, giant pup jumping up and down, squirming and whining all over the apartment. Even finally put Isak down, grabbing his face and kissed him deeply. Isak stood stunned before he reacted and kissed Even back, gripping the front of the older boy’s jean jacket.

 

Isak reluctantly pulled back when he felt sharp claws scraping their way down his leg. Baz was sat between both boys, staring up at Isak with his puppy dog eyes and Isak couldn’t resist the damn mutt.

 

“Hey,” he cooed as he crouched down to pet the pup’s head. Even rolled his eyes at the attention seeking mutt.

 

“You know what we just did, right?”

 

Isak looked up at Even questionably,

“You carried me halfway home and kissed the hell out of me in exchange for sexual favors?”

 

Even nearly choked on his own spit,

“What? No! Isak, I _carried_ you into the apartment.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes as Baz licked his face,

“Yeah, I know. What, are you expecting _me_ to carry you next time? I’m telling you right now, I think that’s a near impossibility. You’re a damn giant.”

 

Even scoffed, trying to find a way to make Isak understand,

“Isak, I carried you _over the threshold_. You _do_ know what that means, right?”

 

Isak was now completely seated on the hardwood floors with Baz wiggly in his lap.

He laughed as he realized what Even was saying,

“So, _what_? I’m your _bride_ , now?”

 

Even smiled,

“Obviously. It’s official. I carried you over the threshold and solidified our union with a kiss. If that’s not official, I don’t know what is.”

 

The younger boy chuckled,

“Okay, so, you carried me here, and may I remind you, it was _against_ my will, to carry me over the threshold to your apartment to kiss me and tell me I’m practically stuck with you because we’re _married_?”

 

Even’s smile widened,

“Precisely.”

 

Isak stood up with the pup in his arms,

“Are we going to _christen_ the bed in the apartment you share with another man or?”

 

Even smirked,

“I think maybe we should sleep.”

 

Isak looked at Even in mock disbelief,

“What did you think I meant by _christening the bed._ Jesus, Even. Such a dirty mind.”

 

He walked off to Even’s bedroom with Baz still licking his face and Even had never felt happier. He watched from the living room as Isak placed Baz on the bed and began undressing. Baz sat on the bed patiently, waiting for Isak to finish. It was endearing, really. Isak sat on the bed in a hoodie and a pair of briefs and ruffled his hair before kissing Baz’ head, prompting the mutt to jump on the small boy, licking his face all over.

 

_Tell him._

He walked to his bedroom never taking his eyes off Isak.

 

_I kind of, sort of really want to spend the rest of my life with you._

Isak looked up him and his eyes were so soft and glassy with sleep.

 

_You’re practically stuck with me._

“Hey.”

 

Isak smiled widely,

“You finally decided to stop being a creep stalking me from the living room.”

 

Even smiled softly,

“I was admiring your beauty from afar.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes still smiling. Baz had finally settled in Isak’s lap and was watching as Even undressed. Even was now stripped down to his briefs and t-shirt. He sat on the bed next to Isak and looked up at the smaller boy. His determination to tell Isak the truth now depleted. Isak stared back at him, the small smile on his face falling as he saw Even’s expression. Even felt even worse.

 

_He’s not going to want you once he knows._

_You’re too messed up._

_He’ll run the other way._

“I can hear your gears grinding in your head from here, Even. Are you okay?”

 

Even snapped out of his daze and looked up at Isak’s concerned face,

“Isak, I’m—I’m bipolar.”

 

Isak merely blinked at the older boy, waiting for him continue.

 

“I was diagnosed when I was thirteen. I’m just—I’m messed up, Isak. I hurt my parents and my family. Even Mikael. I hurt them all and I’m most likely going to do the same thing to you too. I don’t want to put you through that. You’ve been through enough. I’ll ruin you like I've ruined everything else.”

 

Even felt out of breath. He managed to lift his eyes, meeting Isak’s,

“This is the part where you leave.”

 

Isak tilted his head,

“Do you want me to leave?”

 

Even furrowed his eyebrows in confusion,

“Isak, I’m not good for you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m fucked up and—”

 

“Stop.”

 

Even’s eyes went wide as he heard the seriousness in Isak’s voice.

_He’s going to leave._

Isak took a deep breath, casting his eyes down to the pup in his lap,

“That’s why you said we were going too fast? Because I told you about my mom?”

 

Even nodded.

 

“Even, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to fucking listen to me. You being bipolar doesn’t change anything. I like you, always have. From the moment, I saw you and I might like you even more right now. And you don’t have the right to decide for me. You can’t promise and say things that I’m not used to and then just leave because you think it’s _what’s best for me._ ”

 

Even looked at the younger boy.

 

“I’m not going anywhere if that’s what you’re waiting for. We’re not like my parents, Even. I’m not going to get up and leave when things get rough. I’ll stay by you if you’ll have me. If you want me to go, I’ll go. Tell me that’s what you want and I’ll leave. Say you don’t want me.”

 

Even scooted closer to Isak and ran a hand through Isak’s hair,

“You _know_ I want you. But, Isak—”

 

Isak grabbed Even’s hand, gripping it tightly,

“Don’t you dare say you’re not good for me, Even. You’ve made me feel _special_ these past couple of days and that makes me happy. You make me happy.”

 

“You _are_ special.”

 

Isak looked up at Even through long eyelashes and Even had never seen anything more beautiful. Even was leaning in to kiss Isak when the other boy stopped him by placing his forehead on Even’s.

 

“So, are you going to let me stay or should I start filling out divorce papers?”

 

Even huffed a laugh as he brought both of his hands up to cup Isak’s face,

“You’re stuck with me, remember?”

 

Isak smiled as he finally leaned in and pressed his lips against Even’s, kissing him chastely. What began as a slow and sweet kiss became heated and frantic. Isak was reaching for Even when Baz barked loudly, clawing up his chest, yearning attention.

 

Even groaned,

“Damnit, Baz, get off him. He’s mine.”

 

Isak laughed as he laid back down on his pillow, watching as Even followed suit.

 

“How long do you think we’ll have to wait?”

 

Isak chuckled,

“I have no idea.”

 

Even sighed,

“I might just have to get rid of Baz. He always has to be near you when you come over. There’s no way he’s leaving me alone with you. It’s the only way.”

 

Isak scoffed,

“Baz isn’t going anywhere. You’ll just have to keep being patient.”

“Of course, for, _this is a story about a time. A story about a place. A story about the people. But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever. The end,"_ Even smirked, satisfied with himself.

 

Isak looked at Even in confusion.

 

Even gasped, clutching his chest,

“Isak, have you no idea where that’s from?”

 

Isak shook his head,

“I haven’t the slightest idea.”

 

“Isak, my love, it’s only a quote from one of the greatest features films of our generation by the greatest director to ever live.”

 

Isak blinked.

 

“Baz. Baz Luhrmann,” Even motioned towards Baz who was now laying between both boys.

 

“Oh! So, you named Baz after this director guy?”

 

“Jesus Christ, Isak. You need to be educated on the best motion pictures ever created. What are you doing tomorrow?”

 

Isak smiled at Even’s dramatics,

“I was just going to go home, sleep. Why?”

 

“Well, my dear, you’ll have the honor watching Baz Luhrmann’s works. We’ll make a day out of it, hosted by yours truly.”

 

The younger boy laughed,

“Even—”

 

Even scooted his body closer to Isak’s,

“It’s a date then. I’ll be providing provisions, refreshments, clothing, anything you could possibly need for a movie marathon. Come on, this is a crucial part of your development as a member of society.”

 

Isak closed the place between them, feeling himself smile into the kiss. They managed to adjust their bodies so Isak was now half laying on Even, his head on the older boy’s chest, Even’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding him close, and of course, Baz nuzzling Isak’s feet over the comforter.

 

“It’s a date.” The younger boy managed to say between kisses, prompting Even to smile, kissing him harder.

 

They laid there and kissed lazily until sleep managed to take over.

 

_Thank you for staying, my love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I kind of need help finding a fic! My friend was telling me a soulmate countdown fic and I remembered that there was one I read about Evak and I absolutely loved it!  
> I remember it being quite long and the plot basically being Isak and Even met and they took interest in each other. I think they met through Mikael? I think Isak's time to meet his soulmate came first and he was hoping it was Even but it wasn't? Or maybe Even was first? I can barely remember, ugh. But, poor bean was disappointed af and when it came time for Even? to meet his soulmate, he ran to lil bean's house and happy Evak in the end, as always!
> 
> I've been looking for it everywhere and I can't seem to find it! Someone help omg.
> 
> Anyways, I've never really thanked you guys for the comments and kudos and bookmarks, so thank you! I can't believe it's almost over! There are some stories that I have to tie up and give justice so let's just say angst isn't done quite yet? soz
> 
> Comments are welcomed, as always!


	14. When I Grow Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak comes to realize that he's fulfilled a childhood dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm here, after two months. Yeah, I'm terrible.  
> I can't even count the number of times I've deleted and added and edited and re-written this. I wanted to be able to cover everything and do it justice because this is my first fic ever and it just needed to be semi-perfect in my perspective. 
> 
> So, here's some insight from Isak's POV because maybe there hasn't been enough throughout this fic. 
> 
> Also, before you dive in, there may be some triggers concerning discussions of mental illness and homophobia. I kind of wrote Isak's view on mental illness and homosexuality from my perspective. I personally believe in reasoning through science and I feel Isak has always tried to make sense of things through science.  
> Triggers go more into depth at the bottom if you want to read that before you need the chapter.

_When Isak was six years old, his mother told him he could be whatever he wanted to be when he grew up. So—he allowed himself to dream. He would be a scientist, like the ones that looked through microscopes and wore long, white coats and huge goggles. Or maybe he’d be one of those scientists that looked through telescopes and analyzed the planets and space. And his mother supported him. Through every dream and every fantasy, he had of what he’d be when he grew up because she knew that he could do anything he set his mind to._

_And you see—Isak knew more than any average kid his age._

_At the age of seven, he knew that shooting stars were small, rapidly moving meteors that were burning up as they entered Earth’s atmosphere, giving off the illusion of a star soaring across the sky for people to wish upon._

_At the age of nine, he met a boy with dark, curly hair and a wide smile. They had to sit next to each other because their last names both began with the same letter and well—he could get used to having a friend._

_At the age of ten, he learned that the mind was a complex piece of machinery that was hard to interpret, even for someone like himself. Just like his mind was different from Lea’s and just like their minds were different from their mother’s, there wasn’t a single mind that was the exact same to anyone else’s. Not only was there the obvious difference in gender and age, but his mother’s mind was especially different from any other person he’s ever met. Soon enough he learned that yeah—not everything was solely black and white._

_At the age of eleven, he understood there was no way to fix a complicated mind. The only way to help was to be patient and understand what his mother went through. He knew he had to keep sharp and glass objects out of her reach when she was at the point of destruction. He knew that it was best to keep Lea in his room with him and come out only when silence fell over the other side of his bedroom door._

_When he was twelve, his mother nearly drowned his little sister. After years of his father walking in and out of their lives, that day he decided to walk away indefinitely, taking Lea with him. He was left to care for an unstable mother and himself, a struggling boy who had no clue what he was doing._

_When he was fourteen, the world around him began to shift. Boys were kissing girls and girls were kissing boys. There were things such as girlfriends now and Jonas had one. And well, maybe he’d get one too, only he just didn’t understand why he’d want one. And like everything in his life, it was explained by science. He hadn’t hit that stage of puberty where girls were interesting to him yet. See? Simple. Later he’d come to find out that yeah—maybe it wasn’t that simple._

_At the age of fifteen, he was well aware of the fact that he’d fallen in love with his best friend and hated himself for it. He never managed to hit that stage of puberty where he was supposed to take interest in girls. Instead, he hit a stage of puberty that no other boy he knew hit. He hit this stage where boys were interesting to him. And what fucking explanation could science give him for that? Well actually there was, but none of them made sense. Either Isak didn’t manage to conceive enough testosterone in the womb because he had many male siblings before him that took up the amount his mother was able to give, (which—he only had one sibling and that sibling happened to be a girl) or he really wanted to be a victim of homophobia for the hell of it (which—who the fuck would choose to be a victim of homophobia, internalized or otherwise)._

_When he was sixteen, his mother ran out of the house in the middle of the night, looking for her little girl. When he was told his mother was going to be taken away from him, he was convinced he had nothing left to live for._

_When he was seventeen, his best friend was there to cradle him back to life. To give him support, to be strong for him when he didn’t have the strength to hold himself up. Jonas and Magnus were there to push him through his last year of school and through his life._

_When he was seventeen, he graduated high school and all the progress he’d made was slipping through his fingers. He knew more than the average kid his age yet, he had no idea what would become of his life now. He was young and being asked, “what one thing out of the millions of things you could possibly do, which one thing would you choose to do for the rest of your life?” Yeah—that was an unfair-fucking-question._

_When Isak was six years old, his mother told him he could be whatever he wanted to be when he grew up._

_At the age of seventeen, Isak decided that well—he wanted to be happy._

 

The next morning, Mikael brought Jonas and Magnus over for breakfast as a thank you for letting him spend the night at their place. Isak and Even were already in the kitchen making breakfast (which really meant Even was making breakfast while Isak sat on the counter having a staring contest with Baz, who was sitting on the hardwood floor across from him). Isak had woken Even up by trailing kisses down his neck, across his chest, and was hoping to go further when Isak had gotten a text from Jonas and Even got one from Mikael telling them that they were on their way for breakfast so they better be _decent._

“We can just call it an IOU?” Even groaned and Isak smirked, kissing his lips before getting up.

Not long after Even brought food into the living room for Isak and himself, the front door opened with a thud, emitting loud voices, prompting Baz to bark as he startled off Isak’s lap.

“Even! Grab your mutt before it bites someone!” Even couldn’t resist the urge to laugh as Magnus hid behind Jonas and Jonas hid behind Mikael. Isak got up and crouched down next to Baz, picking him up to whisper little reassurances while scratching that spot behind his ears. Eventually, he stopped barking and opted for licking Isak’s face.

“Isakyaki! Bro, you’re like a mad dog whisperer! What the fuck, how come dogs don’t like me?”

“Mags, there isn’t a single animal that likes you, man.”

“Jonas, what the fuck?! That’s not true! I had that pet turtle once, remember? Donatello?! He loved me!”

“I hate to interrupt this little,” Mikael gestured in between Jonas and Magnus, “whatever this is, but I’m hungry and my lovely roommate made breakfast. You _did_ make breakfast for us, right Even?”

Even rolled his eyes playfully,

“Yes, Mikael, I made breakfast for everyone.”

“Isak, he cooks! You bagged a good one, man!” Magnus nearly leaped towards Even, extending out his hand, “I’m Magnus, Isak’s roomy!”

Even chuckled but shook his hand either way,

“We met last night but I guess you were too far gone by then,” he smiled.

“I’m Even, Isak’s—” he turned to look at Isak only to find Isak already smirking at him, his eyebrows raised waiting for him to finish his _introduction,_

“Isak’s _person._ ” He said, his eyes still on Isak’s. He saw a light blush creep on the boy’s cheeks and he said it. He was Isak’s _person._ Yeah. That’s what he was.

Even saluted Jonas with a smile before they all sat down in the living room to have breakfast. Magnus and Mikael were sitting on the floor while Jonas sat in a recliner and Isak and Even sat on the couch. All the boys were practically stuffing their faces with food and Even couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as they complimented his cooking. It quickly faded away, being replaced with a small frown as he turned to his side. Isak only had a cup of black coffee in his hands. Nothing more.

“Bro,” Magnus threw a sliced piece of strawberry at the younger boy,

“at least eat a piece of French toast. You can’t keep running on pure caffeine. Even, he has eaten actual food, right?”

Isak tensed, clutching the mug of coffee a little tighter,

“ _Magnus_.” he hissed. The atmosphere in the room had shifted. Jonas tried to change the topic by saying that he brought weed with him and went on to say that it would be the best weed they could have. Only Magnus didn’t see anything wrong with what he said.

The boy furrowed his eyebrows, interrupting Jonas,

“Bro, I only asked if you’ve eaten anything. I just want you to be okay.” The last part a mere whisper but Isak heard it.

Isak softened his scold. Magnus had always been protective over his friends. He tends to say things without thinking but never because he’s intentionally trying to hurt someone. When everything went down the year prior regarding Isak’s trip to the hospital because of his eating disorder, Magnus became especially protective over Isak. Well—everyone did, but Magnus was soft yet so straightforward when he asked Isak how he was or _subtly_ asked if he was eating. And _damn_ —Isak couldn’t be mad at him, even if he tried.

He sighed, unfolding his limbs from where they were on the couch and climbed down next to Magnus on the floor,

“Mags, I’m sorry, okay. I’ll eat.” He grabbed the plate that Even had placed for him and spooned a small portion of eggs from the bowl on the table onto his plate, a piece of French toast, and a few cut strawberries. Magnus and Jonas smiled and went back to their conversation. Mikael and Even shared a look, neither of them aware of what just happened. Mikael turned his attention back to Magnus and Even tried doing the same, but he couldn’t. He was left sitting on the couch watching Isak eat. The boy picked at the food at first but then took in small portions of it at a time. He’d break off small pieces of French toast and slowly place a piece into his mouth, chewing slowly and repeated the cycle.

The thing is, Even had seen that before. The day he took Isak to the hospital to be with Chris. When they left the hospital to go to the café, the younger boy had gotten a small pastry and would break off small pieces and eat slowly. Even had never seen Isak eat an actual _meal._ Even didn’t want to assume but his mind was working a mile a minute and he’s silently scolding himself for not seeing it before.

“Even?” Isak was now looking at him, worry laced in his expression.

Even shook his head, plastering on a smile hoping it looked convincing,

“Yeah?”

Isak seemed to be having an internal struggle with himself, wavering on what he would say next,

“Even, I should—I should probably tell you about—” His voice small and all Even wanted to do was hug him.

Jonas and Magnus were beginning to stand up, making up some excuse about having to buy groceries, though Isak knew they always bought groceries on Saturdays. Mikael also stood up, saying he’d join the boys because he had to stop by the grocery store anyway. When all three boys stood up, taking the plates to the kitchen and swiftly slipping into their shoes and saying their goodbyes, Isak suddenly felt insecure about telling Even about his _issues._

Isak didn’t have any clue as to _where_ or _how_ to start. Last night, Even shared an important part of himself. Even let Isak see the part of himself that he was insecure about. And Isak thought about telling Even about his own fears and insecurities last night but somehow, the time didn’t feel right. He didn’t want to take the moment away from Even but now. Now felt right. So—Even sat next to Isak on the floor and listened.

Isak told him about the incident last year. How Chris had found him on the bathroom floor making himself throw up the little food he had consumed. How Chris had been there through it all. How his friends came together to support Isak through his recovery, through accepting that he was ill, through accepting help from people who loved him. Isak told Even about his own journey of self-acceptance and how now, things were better—so much better. His relationship with food still wasn’t the best, but it was a process. And Even learned that just like he himself hated how his friends would ask him if he was taking his meds, Isak hated when his friends would ask if had eaten. They both knew that it was only because their friends cared about them and wanted them to be okay, but it still made them feel uncomfortable somehow.

Even held Isak’s hand and didn’t interrupt him because he knew it must be difficult talking about this. When Isak was finished, he let out a soft sigh and gave Even a watery smile, waiting for something—anything. The blue-eyed boy didn’t think it was possible, but he _loved_ the boy even more than he already did. Isak was a brave and loving soul that carried his own demons. Even simply grabbed the younger boy’s face and kissed him deeply. Isak didn’t waste any time in kissing Even back, weirdly gripping Even’s shoulders at a strange angle. Isak ended up seated in Even’s lap, licking into his mouth. They both pulled away, breathless, only for an instant before Even smirked, wrapping his hands around Isak’s thighs, hoisting the boy up as Even stood up. Isak yelped in surprise before wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and giggling softly into the taller boy’s neck. Even walked towards his bedroom, resisting the urge to push Isak up onto the nearest wall and kissing him breathless. They made it to Even’s room without devouring each other the short walk there only for Baz to be right there—laying on the bed Even was just moments away from dropping the boy in his arms on.

“Damnit.” He muttered as Baz brought himself up into a sitting position, and Even could swear he saw the damn dog smirk at him. But Even was a determined man with an aching boner and a beautiful boy clinging to him. His dearly beloved mutt was _not_ going to get in the way. _Not_ this time. He moved to the other side of the bed and dropped his boy on it, crawling on top of him, just about to kiss Isak when Baz beat him to it, licking all over Isak’s face.

Isak laughed loudly and yeah—the mood was killed by an undeniably cute yet fiendish forty-pound ball of fluff. Defeated, Even sighed loudly, laying himself out like a starfish next to Isak. After Isak’s laughter died down he laid on his side facing Even, Baz still licking into his ear. Even did the same and the sight made him smile widely,

“Maybe I could put Baz out on the balcony. I don’t think he’d jump.”

The younger boy brought a hand up to Even’s face, cupping his cheek softly,

“Even, there’s _no_ fucking way you’re putting Baz out on the balcony so we can have sex.”

Even chuckled softly as he closed the small space between him and Isak,

“Isak, you know, I think you’re the bravest person I know. You’ve been through a lot but you’re still going. You’ve moving along and I don’t think I could have ever done what you’ve done if it had happened to me. You’re strong, Isak. I’m happy you had people there for you when things were tough. I just hope I’m someone you can count on now too.”

Isak was stunned. He didn’t really expect Even to say anything about what Isak had told him that morning. Just the way Even looked at him told Isak what Even felt. Isak felt accepted, wanted and that was more than enough—but hearing it. That was something entirely different and something Isak didn’t think he needed until the words left Even’s mouth. He couldn’t find the words to thank Even, so he opted for kissing him, hoping that would convey how thankful Isak was for Even.

Thankfully, it did.

 

They spent the rest of that day watching Baz Luhrmann’s films while Even went into deep commentary about filmography and the great mind behind the incredible script. Even told him about his childhood dream of becoming a director.

"He is an absolute genius! His modern adaption of Romeo and Juliet is absolutely brilliant!" He chuckled to himself. "You know, my mom used to freak out every time I made any kind of commentary on films. I used to learn my favorite films word for word and recited it like in was _gospel._ She came around after a while."

Even told him about his childhood dream of becoming a director.

“…it was difficult after I was diagnosed, ya know? My parents didn’t know how to _deal_ it. But things got better and when I graduated high school, my dream was still the same. I wanted to be a director. So, they completely supported me when I said I wanted to go to major in film and arts. I’m making my dream come true as we speak.” He said, tightening his arm around the younger boy, the laptop balancing on the bed between them. 

“What did you want to be when you were younger?”

 

Isak smiled brightly,

“Happy—I just wanted to be happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
> -Discussion on mental illness surrounding Isak's mother  
> -When I took psychology, we discussed homosexuality because it used to be classified a mental illness in the DSM-5. Research has since then shown that being a homosexual can be caused by biological factors such as testosterone and estrogen levels, construction of the brain, genes, etc. I included that in this chapter because I felt that maybe that's be something Isak would look into, especially at a young age, coming to terms with his sexuality.  
> Of course, this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone and some people may not believe in that, and that's okay. I just ask that we respect everyone's perspective and opinion on this subject.
> 
> And, there's one more chapter left! Holy wow! It should be a good one and I may or may not include and epilogue if that's what you guys want? I'll just get your opinions in the last chapter, which should be up this weekend if I don't overthink it and rewrite the entire thing before then.  
> Let's not trust anything I have to say tbh.
> 
> Leave comments because I absolutely love hearing from you guys! and I haven't spoken to you guys in so long (my own fault, of course)!


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